I chose the picture yesterday because J's court date was yesterday. I haven't spoken to, or heard from for that matter, him since the incident.
He had to go before the same judge that has known him now for three years, since the time his issues really surfaced and began causing problems, for him, for our family, for our marriage. I'm guessing she was not at all happy to see him again.
He got a minimal jail sentence. Which is good. Not because I really give a crap if he sits in jail but because I truly believe that it will do him no good. He needs to be out in society, actively facing his problem and finding a solution to it. Or not. But that will be his choice.
The kicker is that she also gave him a multiple year long order that says he can't have any contact with me or the boys. Multiple years. Like my boys will be in school before it expires.
Now please don't get me wrong. I completely understand why she chose to do that. It puts the own-ness on J and no one else. He has to make some serious changes in order to see his children again. I also believe that if those serious, significant changes are made, and he were to approach the judge about dismissing the order, she would do so. It protects the children from having to be hurt by his problems. It forces me to not have to deal with him or his issues anymore. He no longer has opportunity to drag us through his problems.
What ticks me off the most, is that the boys and I lost our choices.
I didn't choose a marriage like this, that is now sure to end in divorce.
I didn't choose to not have a partner in life.
I didn't choose to have to struggle financially, emotionally, etc through each day.
The boys didn't choose to have a Dad like this.
The boys didn't choose to have to explain to others why their Dad is not at home, soccer practice, school graduations, etc (or whatever it may be at the time)
The boy's didn't choose to go through life without a good male role model, which I fear will affect them as they get older, and into their future.
J chose all of this. By his choices and his actions.
And I am so completely pissed off about it.