Last week was my first day back at work after maternity leave, which means that it was also the bugs first week at day care. It was so difficult to bring them to day care, to take them out of their car seats, and hand them over to two (albeit caring) ladies who would watch them in my absence. I didn't want to hand them over, J didn't want to hand them over. I simply wanted to hold them in my arms forever, never letting go. But what other choice do we have? As I walked out of the day care door, holding back my tears, I realized that this is just one of so many firsts that will happen in their lifetime.
The first day of day care.
My first day back at work.
Their first birthday.
Their first words, teeth, steps...
The first day of kindergarten.
Their first bike ride without training wheels.
Their first tooth falling out.
Their first cut, scrape, or broken bone.
Their first crush.
Their first driving lesson.
Their first car.
Their first girlfriend.
Their first day of college.
So many firsts - all that have the potential to bring me to tears - tears that are somehow filled with both happiness and love that I feel for my children as I watch them grow, and also tinged with sadness for the exact same reason. That they are growing. That the time when all I did was hold them in my arms is gone. That someday they won't want to be held at all.
In my crazy, chaotic, twin-filled life, I try to remember each day that we'll never have the chance to re-live this day. That my bugs will only be 4 weeks, or 5 weeks, or 8 weeks and 4 days old for this day and this day only. I try to soak in as much of each day, each minute with them, as possible. If I can do that then I think that they, and maybe even J and I, will be able to weather all of the firsts in our lives.