My intention ever since first getting those double lines on the pee stick was to breastfeed my baby(or babies). Exclusively. I know the benefits of breastfeeding for them as well as for myself, not to mention it saves time, and of course money (which is in short supply while raising twins). We struggled with breastfeeding at the hospital. Lan.don was too sleepy and wouldn't suck for more than a few seconds. Ale.x seemed too impatient and screamed after a few sucks as well. When the nurses told J and I that they would need their blood sugar tested every 5 hours if they continued not to nurse, we decided that instead of having them go through heel pricks every so many hours we would give them some formula out of a medicine cup (to supplement).
Once home Lan.don developed jaundice and feeding him became more of an issue. Ale.x was still much too impatient to wait for letdown and of course that increased my anxiety level, which made letdown even worse.
I had to wait to get my double electric pump in the mail from my insurance company so was only able to express a few ounces manually a day - which I split between the two of them. Once I got the pump I was still only able to express about 5-6 ounces a day.
Land.on finally caught onto latching. Al.ex still refuses.
Now that the bugs are starting to be awake more during the day I am finding it nearly impossible to find time to pump, or BF Land.don without Ale.x screaming for attention. I went 3 days without BF or pumping and now my supply is nearly shot.
I can't decide whether to keep trying until I go back to work next week (where I will have time to pump at least 3 times per day) or give up completely and go to bottle feeding exclusively. Do I surrender or not?? I'm not sure.
I do know though that the guilt I feel for not being able to do this breastfeeding thing for my boys is eating me up. Just one of my many experiences so far with "Mommy guilt".