The past few weeks I have been home with the boys as our daycare provider just recently gave birth to her first child. So, since she was on vacation, I was too as I don't have backup childcare.Now, as I sit here quietly working, during our first day back to "work" and daycare, I can reflect on the past two weeks and all of the fun, emotions, and chaos.
I have to say I have huge respect for stay at home moms. Many times over these two weeks I found my patience wearing thin and I wondered how our daycare provider manages to get through the day with my often stubborn, independent children. These boys kept me on my toes the entire time. There were no naps, although many times, I could have just collapsed on the sofa and slept for hours. The upside of no naps is an earlier bedtime and more Mommy time (which includes an extra glass of wine), so I guess naptime has its pros and cons.
As I watched the boys run throughout the house, making a mess in every corner, run through the playground, climb the climbing walls, sliding down the slides, and run through our backyard as we played monster, I felt profound joy in all that I am blessed enough to experience. I will never forget a time a few years back when a neighbor stopped by my house one evening as she was selling raffle tickets for a community event. I was home alone, reading, and she came in so I could get cash to buy a ticket. She commented on how quiet my house was and how she would give anything for a bit of quiet in her's (she has four children). I smiled, and laughed, then closed the door when she left and cried. I had just had a failed cycle and she had no idea how I would have loved to trade places with her for one second and be that Mom in that noisy house. Now I am that Mom and even though I am often driven to the point of wanting to pull my hair out I know I would never trade my noisy for quiet again.
I also felt profound sadness over the past few weeks for J and all that he is missing. I wish, wish, wish it could be different and I hope and pray that something will knock him in the head and he will start to make some serious changes. The boys are still young enough to not really have a memory of any of this - but that time is fleeting.
Someday, probably in the not too far off future, even when we are on vacation together, there will be friends to play with, girlfriends, school, sports, taking up their time. But for now we can enjoy each other and all of the happiness that comes from making memories together.
So, I will sit here today, back at work, and file away my memories of our chaotic two week vacation, and smile.