We traveled to Grandpa's for the weekend to take part in the Making Strides for Breast Cancer walk with some family (more about that later). We visited with J. The boys had a great time.
I came home feeling torn, and sad. I never imagined our marriage would be this way - I didn't ask for this. And, it makes me so angry that J's decisions caused all of this. And if it were just me I could walk away from him in a moment's notice. But what makes it so hard, and makes me cry, inside and out, is when I hear my 3 year olds tell their daddy that they love him. And, then tell me that they miss their daddy and they want daddy to come back and live at our house again. It breaks my heart into a million pieces every time I hear the boys say things like that.
I wish that I could feel like it would be "safe" for that to happen.
I wish J never put our family in this situation.
I wish I knew how to explain this all to a 3 year old.