Thursday, December 15, 2011
Insecurity, Failure, and Thankfulness
My furnace is still working albeit at only 60% efficiency according to the recent energy audit I had done on the house - so I'm thankful for that. Thanks, Money Saving Mom!
It's OK to feel like I'm going to pull my hair out while the boys are running circles around me and I can't talk loud enough for them to even hear me so I have to start literally screaming just to be heard. I have to say having infertility=parenting guilt (topic for another post). But infertility also equals the ability to remember that somebody wants what I have.
It's OK to feel angry and hurt by the problems that are my marriage right now. I probably did not do much to cause them although I feel differently.
It's OK to feel angry with J when I am taking out the trash, cooking dinner, cleaning the dishes, giving the boys a bath, breaking up the kids arguments, cleaning up the toys at night, and trying to get two stalling three year olds to go to sleep. Anger is not always a wasted emotion. Sometimes it helps me power through.
It's OK to pare down the gift buying because I am a single income household.
It's OK if the laundry piles up in the laundry room.
Even though I do complain, a lot, I am truly thankful for what I have. It may not be perfect but at the end of each day, when I'm finally able to sit down (with glass, or bottle, of wine in hand) I do feel a sense of joy.
My life may be full of hurdles, and I may not be able to jump over them, but I can walk around them.