Tomorrow is my 4 year Blogoversary. Four years since I started writing as a way to sort out my feelings of despair as J and I struggled with infertility and how we would ever build a family.
I now struggle sometimes with continuing to blog - although I do love to write and always have found that I feel I can express myself best in writing. There are so many issues with maintaining a blog - time to write and whether or not anyone is interested in what I'm writing are the two main ones for me.
It is so often difficult to write, trying to raise two small children alone and maintain a household as well. So many times, I think to myself, "OMG, I'd love to tell the world about this." But by the time, we finish whatever it is that we're doing, and the boys get to bed, and I actually have some time to sit down and write, I'm often too exhausted to sign on to the computer and put our story down on virtual paper. I should try harder because 1. I hope that someday my children will be able to see this blog as a virtual memory book and 2. I don't want to use the excuse of having to raise two children alone as an excuse for not doing something. There are probably millions of people doing the same things every day - and I try to live by the idea that if something is important to you you will find time for it.
I guess the bigger issue for me now is whether anyone is interested in what I have to say. I guess I don't always feel like we have the most exciting life - I see it more as pretty average. With the one small difference being my children are twins. So most posts are about them and where they are at developmentally, pictures, etc. Nothing extraordinarily exciting. Except to me and the people who know and love them.
Before my blog turned into a parenting multiples blog the writing came so easily for me - I could spew off post after post about my subject matter - infertility - and I had such clear opinions on the subject. I also felt really confident in my knowledge of the subject matter - I felt like I was an expert on infertility - having been in the trenches for nearly 7 years. Now, with the parenting multiples blog, well, I'm not a parenting expert. I'm not an expert at raising kids. Hell, most days I feel like I don't know what the hell I'm doing and my kids will be lucky if we can get through to adulthood without major mistakes on my part. I yell sometimes when I probably shouldn't, I let them watch maybe too much t.v, and eat junk food snacks instead of apples, I just don't know how much I'm doing right or wrong.
So, that makes it even more difficult to write - like what the heck does this chick know about raising multiples?
But I do know that I am learning more and more about parenting multiples each day and maybe someday I will be an expert. Maybe I'll publish a book about raising twins and all the joy and chaos that goes along with that. Even if I'm not a one-day expert though, at least my children will be able to look back on this blog and have some evidence of the mistakes I made to use against me - and some evidence of my love for them as well.