Raising the White Flag

My intention ever since first getting those double lines on the pee stick was to breastfeed my baby(or babies). Exclusively. I know the benefits of breastfeeding for them as well as for myself, not to mention it saves time, and of course money (which is in short supply while raising twins). We struggled with breastfeeding at the hospital. Lan.don was too sleepy and wouldn't suck for more than a few seconds. Ale.x seemed too impatient and screamed after a few sucks as well. When the nurses told J and I that they would need their blood sugar tested every 5 hours if they continued not to nurse, we decided that instead of having them go through heel pricks every so many hours we would give them some formula out of a medicine cup (to supplement).

Once home Lan.don developed jaundice and feeding him became more of an issue. Ale.x was still much too impatient to wait for letdown and of course that increased my anxiety level, which made letdown even worse.
I had to wait to get my double electric pump in the mail from my insurance company so was only able to express a few ounces manually a day - which I split between the two of them. Once I got the pump I was still only able to express about 5-6 ounces a day.

Land.on finally caught onto latching. Al.ex still refuses.

Now that the bugs are starting to be awake more during the day I am finding it nearly impossible to find time to pump, or BF Land.don without Ale.x screaming for attention. I went 3 days without BF or pumping and now my supply is nearly shot.
I can't decide whether to keep trying until I go back to work next week (where I will have time to pump at least 3 times per day) or give up completely and go to bottle feeding exclusively. Do I surrender or not?? I'm not sure.
I do know though that the guilt I feel for not being able to do this breastfeeding thing for my boys is eating me up. Just one of my many experiences so far with "Mommy guilt".

Time to Write

One month supply of diapers for twins -- $240.00
Formula because one twin refuses to breastfeed - $100.00
Price of amount of frozen pizza eaten the past two months (which we are considering buying stock in until twins are at least 10 years old) - $200.00



Having these adorable twin bugs -- PRICELESS

I can't believe that I actually have a minute to write a post. This has been unheard of the past 7 weeks. I also can't believe it's been seven weeks since the bugs joined us. Unbelievable. So much has changed since that August day. They are both cooing, smiling, and almost laughing now and J and I love every single minute of it. The picture is not how things usually are around here though. We're lucky if we each get a minute of rest. Somehow we've got to get on a similar feeding and napping schedule. I just don't want to rush them into schedules yet. Seems they're growing too fast as it is.

We had a bit of a scare with Al.ex the other day with a fever and two days of inconsolable crying - which resulted in a spinal tap to rule out meningitis, a hefty round of antibiotics for safety's sake, and a two day hospital stay. Thankfully though all is well now. Mommy and Daddy just have a few more gray hairs then we did last week.

Today may be the first day since the bugs were born that Mommy and both boys are clean and dressed. Maybe we'll actually get some time to play tummy time today!