February Menu Plan

1- Italian Style Tater Tot Casserole, salad

2 - crockpot black bean and salsa chicken, rice

3 - Tortellini vegetable soup, sandwiches

4 - Italian sausage stew, noodles

5 - Toasted Monkey sandwiches, smoothies

6- Spaghetti & Meatballs

7- Fish, noodles, vegetables

8- Loaded Baked Potato Soup, Sandwiches

9- Pizza and salad

10- takeout

11- peanut butter and apple crescents, smoothies

13- Spaghetti & Meatballs

14- Oven baked chicken legs, rice a roni

15- leftovers

16- pierogies, vegetable

17- Pasta with chicken thighs (or legs)

18- sausage stroganoff, salad

19- kid's choice (mac n cheese, hot dogs, fish sticks, etc - whatever they decide)

20- Spaghetti & Meatballs

21- Fish, noodles, vegetables

22- Loaded Baked Potato Soup, Sandwiches

23- Pizza (mexican)

24- takeout

25- frittata, potatoes, sausage

26- chicken nugget tacos, rice

27- Spaghetti & Meatballs

28- chicken osso bucco

29- leftovers


Snacks -
Slammin Graham Cracker PB&J Nachos

I know what I was feeling...

but what was I thinking? That's how the song goes, right? So true.

J did it again. Duped me. Took advantage of my kindness. You can not even give that man an inch or he will take a mile.
In the few shorts weeks I have allowed him into our home for a visit while he waits on a location for more treatment, I have been lied to, had my material possessions nearly sold, and basically bs'd the entire time.
No more. No more visits, no more kindness. I will NOT allow him to use his medical issues as a means to make me feel sympathy for him anymore.

These are the top three things I want from my husband (or any man I may be in a relationship with) - honesty, integrity,  and respect. Right now J can't give any of those things to me. And they are things I am entitled to in a relationship.
In six short months our separation agreement will be a year old. Time enough to have it changed to a divorce decree.
I don't think he realizes that the sand is quickly running through the hourglass.

Shopping for FREE or cheap

My plan for this week

Walmart -
BIC 10pk pens $1.00
- (1) $1.00/1 coupon (SS 1/8/12)
FREE


Tops -
Nabisco to-go packs $1.00
Buy 6
- (2) $3.00/3 coupon (SS 1/8/12)
FREE

International delight creamer $1.66
- (1) $0.55/1 coupon (SS 1/8/12)
Final - $0.56

Total OOP - $0.56
Savings of $8.10 or 94%

Shopping for Free or Cheap

My plan for this week is being altered a lot as I had planned on heading to both CVS and Walgreens for some great deals and stockup prices - but we're getting our first snowstorm of the season and neither of these stores is nearby so I've got to change the plan.

Rite Aid
Transaction #1 -
Clean and Clear B1G1 50%
Buy 2 - +/- $8.99
- (2) $2.00/1 (ss 1/8/12)
- (1) $1.00/1 video value
final - $3.99

Bengay $5.99
- $2.00/1 in-ad coupon
- (1) $3.00/1 printable coupon
final - $0.99

Stayfree pads 2 for $5.00
Buy 4 - $10.00
- $1.00 in-ad coupon
- (2) $1.00/2 stayfree coupon
final - $7.00

Neosporin $5.02 +/-
- $2.00/1 (ss 1/8/12)
final - $3.02

total order $15.00
use $4.00 UPR's from last week
Final OOP - $11.00
Get $10.00 UPR

2nd transaction -
One a day vitamins 2 for $18.00
- $1.00/1 video values
- (2) $2.00/1 (ss 1/1/12)
final - $13.00
use $10.00 UPR from transaction #1
final OOP $3.00
Get $5.00 UPR

3rd transaction -
Thermacare $3.00

2 boxes kleenex $2.58
- $1.00/2 video value
final - $1.58

palmolive dish soap $2.58
- $1.00/2 (ss 1/1/12)
final - $1.58

total order $6.16
use $5.00 UPR from transaction #2
final OOP - $1.16
Get$3.00 UPR

Finals at Rite Aid - $56.16 worth of product
Total OOP $15.16 with $3.00 UPR for next week
saved $41.00 or 73%

Raindrops

Funny thing that this was my favorite song when I was about 3 years old. Maybe some cosmic message to my future self to remember to always keep a positive outlook on life and be grateful for what is good.

Shopping for Free or Cheap

This is my shopping plan for this week - 1/1/12-1/7/12:

CVS

Nivea Lip Care - $2.50
Deal Idea:
Buy 4 Nivea Lip Care $2.50 each
-(2)$3/2 Nivea Lip Product Coupon from the 1/1 RedPlum insert
Pay: $4
Get a $5 ECB
Free + $1 Money Maker after coupons & ECB

TOTAL OOP $4.00

WALGREENS
Triaminic 2/$10.00
Get $5.00 RR wyb 2

Buy 2 $10.00
-(2) $3/1 Triaminic Fever Reducer, exp 2/15/12 (SS 12/4/11)
Pay $4
Get a $5 RR
Free + $1 Money Maker after coupons and RR

2nd transaction-
Advil Congestion $5
Dimetapp $5
-(1) $2/1 advil congestion relief, exp 3/4/12 (RP 12/11/11)
-(1) $1/1 dimetapp product printable coupon
-$5 RR from previous transaction
Pay $2
Get a $5 RR
Free + $3.00 Money Maker after coupons and RR

TOTAL OOP $6.00

RITE AID
Carefree pantyliners $1.00
Buy 2
Pay $2
Get $1 UPR

Playtex tampons $3.99
-(1) $1/1 playtex gentle glide tampons (SavingsStar)
-(1) $1/1 playtex gentle glide tampons (SS 11/20/11)
Pay $1.99
Get $1.00 UPR

Centrum ProNutrients BOGO 50% off
Buy 2 at +/- $12.50each
Total $19.75 after BOGO
-(2) $5/1 centrum pronutrients (RP 1/1/12)
-(1) $4/1 centrum pronutrients RA printable
Pay $5.75
Get $2.00 UPR (* $19.75 counted toward resolution rewards)

Colgate Optic White toothbrush $3.49
-(1) $3/1 colgate optic white toothbrush RA printable
-(1) $0.75/1 Colgate toothbrush (SS 1/1/12)
FREE + $0.28 overage (* $3.49 counted toward resolution reward)

Gallon Milk $2.60

Nissin cup noodles$0.99

Use $12.49 SCR from November 2011 purchases

TOTAL OOP $0.85




Overall totals for trip are -
$10.85 OOP for $62.82 worth of merchandise
savings of $51.97 or 82%!!

Plus I have $14.00 in ECB's, RR's, and UPR's for next week

Thanks, Living Rich with Coupons, For the Mommas, and Freebies2Deals!

God's got the Steering Wheel now.

I know I said I wouldn't do it. But I did.
J spent a week in the ICU on IV antibiotics. At one point even with the strongest, most potent antibiotics there are, his white blood cell count continued to rise. Which makes you think the infection will win out. Scary.
So, when he got out of the hospital, I said he could come for a visit. Just a VISIT. With the understanding that he would keep his appointment with the counselor who was working on again finding him a treatment facility. The counselor got him an appointment at the center here in my town and he did keep his appointment. They are looking at a facility for a time period of 9-12 months. Unfortunately I don't feel confident that this will be the time it works for him either. Considering he has vocalized that he views it as a punishment. I'm pretty sure in my heart of hearts that he is going to have to begin to view this as an opportunity, not a punishment. Without that shift, success will remain out of reach.
It's been OK with him in the house. He's not doing anything at this point. We are so distant though that sometimes I don't even know what to say. I feel like the time of our marriage when we were the best of friends is way behind us now. Gone. Dead. Kind of like roadkill on the side of the highway left to just be pecked away by the vultures flying around.

He was supposed to have his 2nd appointment this afternoon - to discuss the plan going forward and where they might potentially find for him to go. But he didn't make it to that appointment. He ended up back in the hospital - ICU again - due to his blood sugar being out of control and his white blood cell count rising again.

I hate having to explain to my children why their Dad was at the house for a visit and why he has to stay at the doctor's until the doctor says it's OK for him to leave. They don't understand illness.

I asked God to help me make the right decision about whether to let him come for a visit. I truly felt that it was the right thing to do. Now I'm beginning to question my decision. What if it wasn't the best thing? What if he stalls and drags his feet on treatment decisions and is in and out of the hospital. What if the kids begin to think Daddy is living with us again??
Ya know, I hear so much about big issues in life, that you should "Let go and let God." But how? How is that even possible? How am I to know what the right thing to do is? Not like there is a big sign with writing on it up in the sky or God speaking to me through a megaphone or any other way. I search for any kind of sign telling me what to do but I never feel like I'm getting a clear one. And what if God steers me wrong? What if he's not even really listening to me?

Our Projects

10 - making sugar cookie cutouts to give to our daycare provider and neighbors. Close enough - we made cookies, just pre-packaged ones. (and ate them all ourselves)

9 - snowman paper plate crafts
8 - Christmas tree desserts out of ice cream cones and cookies
7 - finishing our Christmas Moose crafts for family gifts
6 - make handprint wreath Got haircuts and out to dinner instead
5 - making chocolate bark
4 - edible snowflakes
3 - decorating our Christmas stockings
2 - walking through our neighborhood looking at decorations MUCH TOO COLD
1 - making chex mix for Santa's snack - he doesn't have a sweet tooth this year.

Not bad if I do say so myself.

January Meal Plan

1 – French toast PB & J’s


2 – Chicken Stuffing bake

3 – pierogies

4 – fish sticks, noodles

5 – spaghetti & meatballs

6 – baked potato soup, sammies

7 – sausage stroganoff

8 – roast chicken

9 – breakfast biscuit bowls

10 – takeout

11 – spaghetti and meatballs

12 – sloppy joe sliders

13 – chicken spaghetti bake (taste of home) 

14 – crescent dogs

15 – fish, noodles

16 – spaghetti & meatballs

17 – chicken nuggets tacos

18 – pizza

19 – beef lo mein

20 – leftovers

21 – soup and sammies

22 – leftovers

23 – pizza

24 – ham and noodle dinner (taste of home)

25 – spaghetti & meatballs

26 – pierogies

27 – baked potato soup and sammies

28 – fish, noodles

29 – takeout

30 – frittata, smoothies

31 - spaghetti & meatballs

Some Serious Stuff

Well, after many days and nights arguing with J about why I didn't think it was a good idea for him to come to our home for a holiday visit (family asked him to leave for questionable behavior, not following counselors recommendations, fear of what might be brewing in him again) I don't think it's going to matter anyhow.
3 days away from Christmas and J is in the hospital - neurological ICU - being given testing to figure out what is causing his strange symptoms of fever, high white blood cell count,not making sense when talking and confusion to the point of not really knowing where he is, or remembering how he got there.
Yesterday afternoon they tested him for meningitis. I think they are also testing for encephalitis.
Serious stuff - even more so for someone with diabetes that is not well controlled.

As much as I can be angry with him for the problems, this is frightening me.

*Updated to add - not menengitis or encephalitis. Diagnosis is double pneumonia. Still serious in someone with their spleen removed and diabetic.

Merry Chrismoose

We finished our moose crafts that we are giving to some family for Christmas gifts. I think they came out pretty cute too! You'll notice the feet prints are not made of painted feet like the hands. The boys decided that they were NOT putting their feet into the paint. So, we comprimised and we traced our feet out of felt.

We may be crossing one item off our ten projects list tonight. I've finally convinced my children to get professional haircuts - this evening! I did have to bribe them with the promise of going out for dinner for pizza and ice cream but hey, you do what you gotta do, right?

So, I'm guessing we won't have time for a project tonight.

Edible Snowflakes

We made these last night. They were super-easy. Kids had fun watching me transform a tortilla into a snowflake. They also loved the sugar on top and licked it off and asked for more at least 3 or 4 times each. My carpet looks like it snowed in the house from all the sugar falling off the snowflakes. Good thing vacuuming is on the agenda today.

C is for Cookie

I know, I said we'd do sugar cookie cutouts, decorated, and given out to neighbors and daycare provider. Maybe that one was a little stretch.
We did make Christmas looking chocolate chip cookies (from a package) and ate them with hot cocoa with mini marshmallows in it. Yum!

That's the best I could do on this one.

Decorating Stockings

This was the next project in our Christmas lineup. The boys were a bit more excited about this one than the candy making, go figure.

Anyhow, I think they came out pretty cute, and I love their artistic differences. I think we've come up with a new annual tradition - a different stocking each year. How fun!

Peppermint Bark

Our first project in my 10 nights 'til Christmas line-up was making candy last night. I chose the peppermint bark because it seemed easy.

Only three ingredients.

Plus this, of course, for Mommy's sanity.

Kiddos loved smashing the candy canes! Alex didn't quite get why you need to use the bottom of the bowl for smashing.

And, licking the bowl out was, of course, the best part!

The finished product. Went a little bit crazy with the peppermint but today after sitting in the fridge all night, it looked wonderful! And we brought some to share at daycare.

...and kept a bunch home for ourselves.

Insecurity, Failure, and Thankfulness

I try to remember all year long that I need to be more thankful for what I have. Sometimes, at least it appears to myself, I tend to be a complainer. Sometimes the need to voice my complaints comes from my feelings of failure and the need to put it out there and hear, whether from the rational voice in my head, or from others who might comment, that I really am not a failure at things, that I really am trying and doing my best. 

My furnace is still working albeit at only 60% efficiency according to the recent energy audit I had done on the house - so I'm thankful for that. Thanks, Money Saving Mom!

It's OK to feel like I'm going to pull my hair out while the boys are running circles around me and I can't talk loud enough for them to even hear me so I have to start literally screaming just to be heard. I have to say having infertility=parenting guilt (topic for another post). But infertility also equals the ability to remember that somebody wants what I have.

It's OK to feel angry and hurt by the problems that are my marriage right now. I probably did not do much to cause them although I feel differently.

It's OK to feel angry with J when I am taking out the trash, cooking dinner, cleaning the dishes, giving the boys a bath, breaking up the kids arguments, cleaning up the toys at night, and trying to get two stalling three year olds to go to sleep. Anger is not always a wasted emotion. Sometimes it helps me power through.

It's OK to pare down the gift buying because I am a single income household.

It's OK if the laundry piles up in the laundry room.

Even though I do complain, a lot, I am truly thankful for what I have. It may not be perfect but at the end of each day, when I'm finally able to sit down (with glass, or bottle, of wine in hand) I do feel a sense of joy.

My life may be full of hurdles, and I may not be able to jump over them, but I can walk around them.

On the 1st Day of Christmas

OK, I know that the real 12 days of Christmas start on December 25th. And I know there should be 12 and we're now a few days short. But, no one is perfect.
The countdown is on - 10 more nights until Christmas!
I bought the boys Advent calendars so everyday as soon as we get home from work/daycare they are ripping off their coats, hats, and mittens to get at the piece of candy. You would think that the tiny piece of chocolate held some magical powers for three year old boys!
I have really nice memories of Christmas from my childhood. One memory I have is decorating the house and tree with my Mom, and I still have some of those same decorations on my own tree now. It's humorous to try to explain to a three year old how old that ornament really is.
So, to try to give Alex and Landon some of those same decorating kind of memories here's my plan for the next ten nights. Keep in mind I am on vacation after tomorrow so that could be where my overachieving ideas are coming from.

10 - making sugar cookie cutouts to give to our daycare provider and neighbors.
9 - snowman paper plate crafts
8 - Christmas tree desserts out of ice cream cones and cookies
7 - finishing our Christmas Moose crafts for family gifts
6 - make handprint wreath
5 - making chocolate bark
4 - edible snowflakes
3 - decorating our Christmas stockings
2 - walking through our neighborhood looking at decorations
1 - making chex mix for Santa's snack - he doesn't have a sweet tooth this year.

911, What's Your Emergency?

Parenthood.com has a t-shirt for sale the says "Parenthood means having 911 on speed dial." I am thinking about buying it for myself. Between having two boys, who seem to get injured more often (although that may be a myth because I'm a girl and only had sisters so no real experience growing up in a household with boys) and my own weird hypochondriac nature, I feel like having 911 on speed dial is in my foreseeable future.
This morning, while getting dressed, the boys were running between their room and the bathroom. I heard the water running and them chatting about brushing their teeth - but thought no way they could actually do it themselves (without me supervising AND opening the toothpaste tube.)
Next thing I know, Alex is standing behind me drinking the toothpaste out of the tube. WHAT?!?! I grabbed it from him and of course it says if swallowed to call poison control. I immediately began thinking my child was in grave danger. I asked him, repeatedly how much he drank. He said he didn't know, he said a lot, he said a little, he said up to 6. Again, WHAT?!?!
I said I was going to have to call the doctor. He's crying, Landon's crying, they are saying they don't want to go to the doctor's. I actually called my friend, who is a mom of two grown children (so she survived as did they) and asked her opinion. After a few minutes on the phone we concluded that since the tube was still rather full, and he didn't have it all over the place, it was probably safe to just give him lots of water to drink and watch him. The alternative being going to the ER, inducing vomiting, and having a child who for the rest of his life will refuse to brush his teeth.

I did however, tell them that it was the doctor on the phone, and that he said they should NEVER do that again. They bought my story. They escaped injury this time. And, hopefully, there was a lesson learned about drinking Crest. Plus I'm sure Alex had fresh breath for the entire day.

Two in the Bed and the Little One Said

I was getting ready for work this morning and it was time for the boys to start getting dressed. Alex was in my bed (as he often is at 7:00am) and Landon was still in his bed. I went into the kids' room, with Alex following. I asked them both to pick out a shirt to wear for the day. Alex proceeded to climb into Landon's bed, get under the covers and snuggle with his brother. And they both told me how tired they were - and could they sleep for just 11 more minutes?

cutest.thing.ever

December Meal Plan

1 - Chicken Stuffing Bake, vegetables 

2 - fish sticks, vegetables, noodles or rice

3 - spaghetti and meatballs

4 - chunky soup with rice

5 - Layered Meatball bake

6 - pierogies, vegetables


7 - unstuffed shells, salad

8 - pierogies, vegetables

9 - chili, veggie sticks, breadsticks


10 - spaghetti and meatballs


11 - rigatoni with greens and beans (see October for recipe)

12 - cream cheese chicken, rice

13 - sausage stroganoff

14 - Breakfast biscuit bowls, fruit


15 - Sausage Tater Crescent Pizza, fruit


16 - Pasta with Spinach and Sausage, garlic bread

17 - Ratatouille with pasta (recipe in Women's World magazine)

18 - Ham and Cheese Ziti, salad (Taste of Home)

19 - Chicken nugget tacos, mexican rice

20 - spaghetti and meatballs

21 - dinner out

22 - baked potato soup, grilled sandwiches

23 - Beefy tomato and spinach rotini

24 - Lasagna casserole

25 - Visiting family

26 - visiting family

27 - visiting family

28 - visiting family

29 - spaghetti and meatballs

30 - Cheesy Vegetable Chowder, rolls

31 - take out dinner

Shopping savings 11/11/11

Went to Tops this past weekend - Got 5 packages of pasta, 4 boxes of hot chocolate mix, 8 boxes of brownie mix, snacks, and a package of sweet moments dessert bites (Yum!!)
Total retail value- $42.00
Total OOP - $6.95

Saved - $35.05 or 83%!!

Now that's the kind if savings that'll get us on that cruise or help pay for college!

Guns and Roses singing in my head

"All we need is just a little patience..."

As I sit here tonight, the words of Axel Rose spinning in my head, I can't help but wonder how many other people have concerns about their level of patience with their families.

I am normally a pretty patient person. I don't seem to have the instant gratification gene,  I have no problem waiting for my favorite movie to come out on DVD before seeing it, and I pride myself on my ability to (most of the time) speak to people in a calm manner, even when I'm upset about something. I even wonder at times if I have the ability to get angry. I have a hard time expressing anger. But tonight, for whatever reason, my patience tank was completely empty.

We've been looking at different comforter sets for the boys beds, since all summer they only used light blankets. I wanted to get the sets before it gets really cold. I found really cute train sets and when I went online to order them found out they were discontinued. I finally broke down and asked the boys what sets they wanted - of course the answer was Thomas the Train. So, I ordered them. They were backordered and nearly every day the boys asked when they would be coming. Finally today I got the text that they had arrived. I ran to the store on my lunch so they would be waiting for the boys when they got home. And they so happy when they saw them. They kept saying thank you, thank you, thank you.

When we went upstairs for bed I went to put the sheets on the beds and they didn't want them. I sort of lost it. I didn't yell, or say anything mean, but I did kind of blow up and start ranting about how I was going to return them to the store and get my money back, yadda, yadda, yadda.....

Alex looked at me and said, "Mommy, calm, calm..."

I don't know what happened. I read parenting books. Walk away when your children upset you, count to ten, we all know the suggestions for keeping it under control. I know that 3 year olds are creatures of habit, finding comfort in the confines of routine and sameness. Why did it upset me so much that they didn't want to change the blankets they use tonight? 

After he said that, I did calm down. We read our stories, asked our stalling questions, and finally got into bed. As I tucked Alex in, I thanked him for telling me to calm down. I told him that just like when he gets upset and I tell him to calm down and think things through, sometimes Mommy needs to be reminded to do that too, when she is getting upset for maybe no good reason. I asked him if he would be my "calmer downer" when I need it. He said he would.

Lesson learned little boy....Thank you for helping to teach me.

Verdict - Cheesy Potato Soup

I made the potato soup yesterday. I have a weird obsession with this stuff lately. I had lunch at Panera the other day and got it for lunch. This stuff was fabulous! So, I decided to make my own. The recipe was super simple and I made it in the crockpot which made it even easier. I was bummed that I didn't get to the store as I would have liked some fresh chives in it but I will add those next time. I did nearly burn my house down making the bacon - the boys and I were playing some Mickey Mouse game on the computer (Landon's love for computer games is already beginning to worry me) and forgot that it was cooking until I heard some strange crackling and went into the kitchen to find the smoke beginning to get out of control. Made it just in time to turn on the fan and NOT set off the smoke alarm. Good thing I changed those batteries with the daylight savings time change.
The soup turned out great. Anything with cheese and bacon in it is great in my book.
The boys wouldn't touch it - they don't like soup (they've never even tried soup) but assured me that when they get bigger they will like soup.
Who cares....they ate grilled cheese sandwiches. I got delicious, cheesy, soup. Everyone was happy.

Happy Halloween

We did great for the first Halloween that the boys actually understood what it was, what to do, and could get excited about it! The costumes turned out fabulous and we got tons of comments about how great they looked! I'm thinking about entering them into the best and cheapest homemade costume contest on facebook. Boys had a ball getting candy and will now have a ball eating it. What a great day - I have never had so much fun trick or treating as I did last night.

Verdict - Sausage Pasta Skillet

This recipe worked well for our family. The boys like sausage (will rarely touch hamburger) and macaroni. I served theirs' with sauce on it, instead of the veggies andcheese sauce that the recipe suggests. I just put that into mine. Because Alex and Landon are also creatures of habit and any kind of macaroni should be served with red sauce on it. Only.Red.Sauce.Always.

Good dinner, good leftovers too. It's a keeper!

All the live long day

I'm finishing up the train costumes today. I have to; trick of treating is this weekend. Why I chose to be an overachiever and make costumes, I don't know. But someone, PLEASE remind me next year that even though it may cost a little bit more it may be so much easier to BUY the costumes (especially when one's strength is not making crafts)
J is coming for a visit this weekend. To trickk or treat with the boys. Look for an update in the Marriage Chronicles on how this visit goes. I'm going to try to write my letter, outlining my expectations, tonight so I can share with him over the weekend. On my therapists suggestion. Apparently I have a ton of thoughts on the subject in my head, but I'm not very good at sharing them. And, it's only fair for him to know exactly what my expectations for future work on our marriage are.

Happy Halloween.

Pictures of costumes, pumpkins, and trick or treating to come next week.

November Meal Plan

1 - Spinach Artichoke Pasta

2 - Chicken Stuffing Bake, vegetables  (OAMC - Make two, freeze one for December)

3 - Toddler Cheesy Potato Soup, sandwiches

4 - spaghetti and meatballs

5- Frittata, hash browns, toast

6- Goldfish pizza, veggie sticks

7- fish sticks, vegetables, noodles or rice

8- pierogies, vegetables

9- spaghetti and meatballs

10- chili, veggie sticks, breadsticks

11- unstuffed shells, salad

12 - rigatoni with greens and beans (see October for recipe)

13 - Bacon Alfredo casserole

14 - chunky soup with rice or biscuits

15 - cheeseburger macaroni, veggies (Alex SWORE he would eat this - we'll see)

16 - spaghetti and meatballs

17 - fish sticks, vegetables, noodles or rice

18 - Make ahead sausage casserole, smoothies

19 - Breakfast biscuit bowls, fruit

20 - Macaroni and Cheese with Beef, salad

21 - pierogies, vegetables

22 - Cream cheese chicken, rice (frozen from October OAMC cooking) (crockpot)

23 - spaghetti and meatballs

24 - Thanksgiving Dinner

25 - visiting family

26 - visiting family

27 - visiting family

28 - Sausage Tater Crescent Pizza, fruit

29 - Pasta with Spinach and Sausage, garlic bread

30 - spaghetti and meatballs

I've been working on the railroad

Last night we began working on making the boys Halloween costumes. They've both decided that they want to be Thomas and James, trains from the Thomas the Tank Train series. Not conductors, or train passengers, but actual trains. So my thought was, "how in the He*! am I going to do this?"
I am probably the least crafty person around. When I make something it always appears that a four year old constructed it. I am great at drawing stick figures but that's about it. So, how do I build a train costume and make it look halfway decent?
I searched the Internet and found some great directions. We had two boxes in the house so last night we cut them, and taped them into the proper shape for trains. I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself after this first step - they don't look half bad!
Next step is painting them. Which the kids want to help with. Which should be rather interesting (read: messy)
We're headed to Wal-Mart tonight after dinner to buy the paint; and may start painting tomorrow. Well, if they end up looking terrible I think I'll still have time to go out and BUY a costume.

Always Heart Breaking

We traveled to Grandpa's for the weekend to take part in the Making Strides for Breast Cancer walk with some family (more about that later). We visited with J. The boys had a great time.
I came home feeling torn, and sad. I never imagined our marriage would be this way - I didn't ask for this. And, it makes me so angry that J's decisions caused all of this. And if it were just me I could walk away from him in a moment's notice. But what makes it so hard, and makes me cry, inside and out, is when I hear my 3 year olds tell their daddy that they love him. And, then tell me that they miss their daddy and they want daddy to come back and live at our house again. It breaks my heart into a million pieces every time I hear the boys say things like that.
I wish that I could feel like it would be "safe" for that to happen.
I wish J never put our family in this situation.
I wish I knew how to explain this all to a 3 year old.

Therapy is awesome

So, I've been seeing a therapist for about two months now to help to sort out thoughts about the future of my relationship with J. As I mentioned a while back J has some serious issues that have yet to be completely resolved and I am still not sure how I should be handling the issue.

Therapy is a great thing - for any of you who have never been. It is so refreshing to be able to just sit, open your mouth and let everything out, with no filters like you may have when talking to family or friends. It really makes things far clearer than when they are muddied up with filtering. Kind of like the air conditioner filter - you take it out and it is full of gunk. No filter, no gunk to cloud things.
I give J credit for taking it upon himself to go to rehab, for the fourth time, back in July. And he did it on his own - no legal mumbo jumbo forcing it. But now he's been out since the beginning of August, living with his family, and I still do not see any evidence of steps he's taking to deal with his addiction. Sure a 30 day stint is a good thing - but what about after-care? Isn't that the most important part of recovery? Things you do every.single.day to keep yourself on track? He does nothing. Which is what he's always done. Which make me fairly certain we'll end up with the same result we've always gotten - relapse.
I have ideas in my head about what I think potentially successful reocvery looks like - I think I'm going to share them with J. I just don't want to get further down the road, with him continuing to do nothing, and then drop a bomb on him that I can't work on our rleationship unless he's taking what I believe to be some positive steps toward recovery. And, while he can make his own decisions about what steps he feels he needs to take - I also have to make my own decisions about what I can live with confortably