Some Serious Stuff

Well, after many days and nights arguing with J about why I didn't think it was a good idea for him to come to our home for a holiday visit (family asked him to leave for questionable behavior, not following counselors recommendations, fear of what might be brewing in him again) I don't think it's going to matter anyhow.
3 days away from Christmas and J is in the hospital - neurological ICU - being given testing to figure out what is causing his strange symptoms of fever, high white blood cell count,not making sense when talking and confusion to the point of not really knowing where he is, or remembering how he got there.
Yesterday afternoon they tested him for meningitis. I think they are also testing for encephalitis.
Serious stuff - even more so for someone with diabetes that is not well controlled.

As much as I can be angry with him for the problems, this is frightening me.

*Updated to add - not menengitis or encephalitis. Diagnosis is double pneumonia. Still serious in someone with their spleen removed and diabetic.

Merry Chrismoose

We finished our moose crafts that we are giving to some family for Christmas gifts. I think they came out pretty cute too! You'll notice the feet prints are not made of painted feet like the hands. The boys decided that they were NOT putting their feet into the paint. So, we comprimised and we traced our feet out of felt.

We may be crossing one item off our ten projects list tonight. I've finally convinced my children to get professional haircuts - this evening! I did have to bribe them with the promise of going out for dinner for pizza and ice cream but hey, you do what you gotta do, right?

So, I'm guessing we won't have time for a project tonight.

Edible Snowflakes

We made these last night. They were super-easy. Kids had fun watching me transform a tortilla into a snowflake. They also loved the sugar on top and licked it off and asked for more at least 3 or 4 times each. My carpet looks like it snowed in the house from all the sugar falling off the snowflakes. Good thing vacuuming is on the agenda today.

C is for Cookie

I know, I said we'd do sugar cookie cutouts, decorated, and given out to neighbors and daycare provider. Maybe that one was a little stretch.
We did make Christmas looking chocolate chip cookies (from a package) and ate them with hot cocoa with mini marshmallows in it. Yum!

That's the best I could do on this one.

Decorating Stockings

This was the next project in our Christmas lineup. The boys were a bit more excited about this one than the candy making, go figure.

Anyhow, I think they came out pretty cute, and I love their artistic differences. I think we've come up with a new annual tradition - a different stocking each year. How fun!

Peppermint Bark

Our first project in my 10 nights 'til Christmas line-up was making candy last night. I chose the peppermint bark because it seemed easy.

Only three ingredients.

Plus this, of course, for Mommy's sanity.

Kiddos loved smashing the candy canes! Alex didn't quite get why you need to use the bottom of the bowl for smashing.

And, licking the bowl out was, of course, the best part!

The finished product. Went a little bit crazy with the peppermint but today after sitting in the fridge all night, it looked wonderful! And we brought some to share at daycare.

...and kept a bunch home for ourselves.

Insecurity, Failure, and Thankfulness

I try to remember all year long that I need to be more thankful for what I have. Sometimes, at least it appears to myself, I tend to be a complainer. Sometimes the need to voice my complaints comes from my feelings of failure and the need to put it out there and hear, whether from the rational voice in my head, or from others who might comment, that I really am not a failure at things, that I really am trying and doing my best. 

My furnace is still working albeit at only 60% efficiency according to the recent energy audit I had done on the house - so I'm thankful for that. Thanks, Money Saving Mom!

It's OK to feel like I'm going to pull my hair out while the boys are running circles around me and I can't talk loud enough for them to even hear me so I have to start literally screaming just to be heard. I have to say having infertility=parenting guilt (topic for another post). But infertility also equals the ability to remember that somebody wants what I have.

It's OK to feel angry and hurt by the problems that are my marriage right now. I probably did not do much to cause them although I feel differently.

It's OK to feel angry with J when I am taking out the trash, cooking dinner, cleaning the dishes, giving the boys a bath, breaking up the kids arguments, cleaning up the toys at night, and trying to get two stalling three year olds to go to sleep. Anger is not always a wasted emotion. Sometimes it helps me power through.

It's OK to pare down the gift buying because I am a single income household.

It's OK if the laundry piles up in the laundry room.

Even though I do complain, a lot, I am truly thankful for what I have. It may not be perfect but at the end of each day, when I'm finally able to sit down (with glass, or bottle, of wine in hand) I do feel a sense of joy.

My life may be full of hurdles, and I may not be able to jump over them, but I can walk around them.

On the 1st Day of Christmas

OK, I know that the real 12 days of Christmas start on December 25th. And I know there should be 12 and we're now a few days short. But, no one is perfect.
The countdown is on - 10 more nights until Christmas!
I bought the boys Advent calendars so everyday as soon as we get home from work/daycare they are ripping off their coats, hats, and mittens to get at the piece of candy. You would think that the tiny piece of chocolate held some magical powers for three year old boys!
I have really nice memories of Christmas from my childhood. One memory I have is decorating the house and tree with my Mom, and I still have some of those same decorations on my own tree now. It's humorous to try to explain to a three year old how old that ornament really is.
So, to try to give Alex and Landon some of those same decorating kind of memories here's my plan for the next ten nights. Keep in mind I am on vacation after tomorrow so that could be where my overachieving ideas are coming from.

10 - making sugar cookie cutouts to give to our daycare provider and neighbors.
9 - snowman paper plate crafts
8 - Christmas tree desserts out of ice cream cones and cookies
7 - finishing our Christmas Moose crafts for family gifts
6 - make handprint wreath
5 - making chocolate bark
4 - edible snowflakes
3 - decorating our Christmas stockings
2 - walking through our neighborhood looking at decorations
1 - making chex mix for Santa's snack - he doesn't have a sweet tooth this year.

911, What's Your Emergency?

Parenthood.com has a t-shirt for sale the says "Parenthood means having 911 on speed dial." I am thinking about buying it for myself. Between having two boys, who seem to get injured more often (although that may be a myth because I'm a girl and only had sisters so no real experience growing up in a household with boys) and my own weird hypochondriac nature, I feel like having 911 on speed dial is in my foreseeable future.
This morning, while getting dressed, the boys were running between their room and the bathroom. I heard the water running and them chatting about brushing their teeth - but thought no way they could actually do it themselves (without me supervising AND opening the toothpaste tube.)
Next thing I know, Alex is standing behind me drinking the toothpaste out of the tube. WHAT?!?! I grabbed it from him and of course it says if swallowed to call poison control. I immediately began thinking my child was in grave danger. I asked him, repeatedly how much he drank. He said he didn't know, he said a lot, he said a little, he said up to 6. Again, WHAT?!?!
I said I was going to have to call the doctor. He's crying, Landon's crying, they are saying they don't want to go to the doctor's. I actually called my friend, who is a mom of two grown children (so she survived as did they) and asked her opinion. After a few minutes on the phone we concluded that since the tube was still rather full, and he didn't have it all over the place, it was probably safe to just give him lots of water to drink and watch him. The alternative being going to the ER, inducing vomiting, and having a child who for the rest of his life will refuse to brush his teeth.

I did however, tell them that it was the doctor on the phone, and that he said they should NEVER do that again. They bought my story. They escaped injury this time. And, hopefully, there was a lesson learned about drinking Crest. Plus I'm sure Alex had fresh breath for the entire day.

Two in the Bed and the Little One Said

I was getting ready for work this morning and it was time for the boys to start getting dressed. Alex was in my bed (as he often is at 7:00am) and Landon was still in his bed. I went into the kids' room, with Alex following. I asked them both to pick out a shirt to wear for the day. Alex proceeded to climb into Landon's bed, get under the covers and snuggle with his brother. And they both told me how tired they were - and could they sleep for just 11 more minutes?

cutest.thing.ever

December Meal Plan

1 - Chicken Stuffing Bake, vegetables 

2 - fish sticks, vegetables, noodles or rice

3 - spaghetti and meatballs

4 - chunky soup with rice

5 - Layered Meatball bake

6 - pierogies, vegetables


7 - unstuffed shells, salad

8 - pierogies, vegetables

9 - chili, veggie sticks, breadsticks


10 - spaghetti and meatballs


11 - rigatoni with greens and beans (see October for recipe)

12 - cream cheese chicken, rice

13 - sausage stroganoff

14 - Breakfast biscuit bowls, fruit


15 - Sausage Tater Crescent Pizza, fruit


16 - Pasta with Spinach and Sausage, garlic bread

17 - Ratatouille with pasta (recipe in Women's World magazine)

18 - Ham and Cheese Ziti, salad (Taste of Home)

19 - Chicken nugget tacos, mexican rice

20 - spaghetti and meatballs

21 - dinner out

22 - baked potato soup, grilled sandwiches

23 - Beefy tomato and spinach rotini

24 - Lasagna casserole

25 - Visiting family

26 - visiting family

27 - visiting family

28 - visiting family

29 - spaghetti and meatballs

30 - Cheesy Vegetable Chowder, rolls

31 - take out dinner

Shopping savings 11/11/11

Went to Tops this past weekend - Got 5 packages of pasta, 4 boxes of hot chocolate mix, 8 boxes of brownie mix, snacks, and a package of sweet moments dessert bites (Yum!!)
Total retail value- $42.00
Total OOP - $6.95

Saved - $35.05 or 83%!!

Now that's the kind if savings that'll get us on that cruise or help pay for college!

Guns and Roses singing in my head

"All we need is just a little patience..."

As I sit here tonight, the words of Axel Rose spinning in my head, I can't help but wonder how many other people have concerns about their level of patience with their families.

I am normally a pretty patient person. I don't seem to have the instant gratification gene,  I have no problem waiting for my favorite movie to come out on DVD before seeing it, and I pride myself on my ability to (most of the time) speak to people in a calm manner, even when I'm upset about something. I even wonder at times if I have the ability to get angry. I have a hard time expressing anger. But tonight, for whatever reason, my patience tank was completely empty.

We've been looking at different comforter sets for the boys beds, since all summer they only used light blankets. I wanted to get the sets before it gets really cold. I found really cute train sets and when I went online to order them found out they were discontinued. I finally broke down and asked the boys what sets they wanted - of course the answer was Thomas the Train. So, I ordered them. They were backordered and nearly every day the boys asked when they would be coming. Finally today I got the text that they had arrived. I ran to the store on my lunch so they would be waiting for the boys when they got home. And they so happy when they saw them. They kept saying thank you, thank you, thank you.

When we went upstairs for bed I went to put the sheets on the beds and they didn't want them. I sort of lost it. I didn't yell, or say anything mean, but I did kind of blow up and start ranting about how I was going to return them to the store and get my money back, yadda, yadda, yadda.....

Alex looked at me and said, "Mommy, calm, calm..."

I don't know what happened. I read parenting books. Walk away when your children upset you, count to ten, we all know the suggestions for keeping it under control. I know that 3 year olds are creatures of habit, finding comfort in the confines of routine and sameness. Why did it upset me so much that they didn't want to change the blankets they use tonight? 

After he said that, I did calm down. We read our stories, asked our stalling questions, and finally got into bed. As I tucked Alex in, I thanked him for telling me to calm down. I told him that just like when he gets upset and I tell him to calm down and think things through, sometimes Mommy needs to be reminded to do that too, when she is getting upset for maybe no good reason. I asked him if he would be my "calmer downer" when I need it. He said he would.

Lesson learned little boy....Thank you for helping to teach me.

Verdict - Cheesy Potato Soup

I made the potato soup yesterday. I have a weird obsession with this stuff lately. I had lunch at Panera the other day and got it for lunch. This stuff was fabulous! So, I decided to make my own. The recipe was super simple and I made it in the crockpot which made it even easier. I was bummed that I didn't get to the store as I would have liked some fresh chives in it but I will add those next time. I did nearly burn my house down making the bacon - the boys and I were playing some Mickey Mouse game on the computer (Landon's love for computer games is already beginning to worry me) and forgot that it was cooking until I heard some strange crackling and went into the kitchen to find the smoke beginning to get out of control. Made it just in time to turn on the fan and NOT set off the smoke alarm. Good thing I changed those batteries with the daylight savings time change.
The soup turned out great. Anything with cheese and bacon in it is great in my book.
The boys wouldn't touch it - they don't like soup (they've never even tried soup) but assured me that when they get bigger they will like soup.
Who cares....they ate grilled cheese sandwiches. I got delicious, cheesy, soup. Everyone was happy.

Happy Halloween

We did great for the first Halloween that the boys actually understood what it was, what to do, and could get excited about it! The costumes turned out fabulous and we got tons of comments about how great they looked! I'm thinking about entering them into the best and cheapest homemade costume contest on facebook. Boys had a ball getting candy and will now have a ball eating it. What a great day - I have never had so much fun trick or treating as I did last night.

Verdict - Sausage Pasta Skillet

This recipe worked well for our family. The boys like sausage (will rarely touch hamburger) and macaroni. I served theirs' with sauce on it, instead of the veggies andcheese sauce that the recipe suggests. I just put that into mine. Because Alex and Landon are also creatures of habit and any kind of macaroni should be served with red sauce on it. Only.Red.Sauce.Always.

Good dinner, good leftovers too. It's a keeper!

All the live long day

I'm finishing up the train costumes today. I have to; trick of treating is this weekend. Why I chose to be an overachiever and make costumes, I don't know. But someone, PLEASE remind me next year that even though it may cost a little bit more it may be so much easier to BUY the costumes (especially when one's strength is not making crafts)
J is coming for a visit this weekend. To trickk or treat with the boys. Look for an update in the Marriage Chronicles on how this visit goes. I'm going to try to write my letter, outlining my expectations, tonight so I can share with him over the weekend. On my therapists suggestion. Apparently I have a ton of thoughts on the subject in my head, but I'm not very good at sharing them. And, it's only fair for him to know exactly what my expectations for future work on our marriage are.

Happy Halloween.

Pictures of costumes, pumpkins, and trick or treating to come next week.

November Meal Plan

1 - Spinach Artichoke Pasta

2 - Chicken Stuffing Bake, vegetables  (OAMC - Make two, freeze one for December)

3 - Toddler Cheesy Potato Soup, sandwiches

4 - spaghetti and meatballs

5- Frittata, hash browns, toast

6- Goldfish pizza, veggie sticks

7- fish sticks, vegetables, noodles or rice

8- pierogies, vegetables

9- spaghetti and meatballs

10- chili, veggie sticks, breadsticks

11- unstuffed shells, salad

12 - rigatoni with greens and beans (see October for recipe)

13 - Bacon Alfredo casserole

14 - chunky soup with rice or biscuits

15 - cheeseburger macaroni, veggies (Alex SWORE he would eat this - we'll see)

16 - spaghetti and meatballs

17 - fish sticks, vegetables, noodles or rice

18 - Make ahead sausage casserole, smoothies

19 - Breakfast biscuit bowls, fruit

20 - Macaroni and Cheese with Beef, salad

21 - pierogies, vegetables

22 - Cream cheese chicken, rice (frozen from October OAMC cooking) (crockpot)

23 - spaghetti and meatballs

24 - Thanksgiving Dinner

25 - visiting family

26 - visiting family

27 - visiting family

28 - Sausage Tater Crescent Pizza, fruit

29 - Pasta with Spinach and Sausage, garlic bread

30 - spaghetti and meatballs

I've been working on the railroad

Last night we began working on making the boys Halloween costumes. They've both decided that they want to be Thomas and James, trains from the Thomas the Tank Train series. Not conductors, or train passengers, but actual trains. So my thought was, "how in the He*! am I going to do this?"
I am probably the least crafty person around. When I make something it always appears that a four year old constructed it. I am great at drawing stick figures but that's about it. So, how do I build a train costume and make it look halfway decent?
I searched the Internet and found some great directions. We had two boxes in the house so last night we cut them, and taped them into the proper shape for trains. I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself after this first step - they don't look half bad!
Next step is painting them. Which the kids want to help with. Which should be rather interesting (read: messy)
We're headed to Wal-Mart tonight after dinner to buy the paint; and may start painting tomorrow. Well, if they end up looking terrible I think I'll still have time to go out and BUY a costume.

Always Heart Breaking

We traveled to Grandpa's for the weekend to take part in the Making Strides for Breast Cancer walk with some family (more about that later). We visited with J. The boys had a great time.
I came home feeling torn, and sad. I never imagined our marriage would be this way - I didn't ask for this. And, it makes me so angry that J's decisions caused all of this. And if it were just me I could walk away from him in a moment's notice. But what makes it so hard, and makes me cry, inside and out, is when I hear my 3 year olds tell their daddy that they love him. And, then tell me that they miss their daddy and they want daddy to come back and live at our house again. It breaks my heart into a million pieces every time I hear the boys say things like that.
I wish that I could feel like it would be "safe" for that to happen.
I wish J never put our family in this situation.
I wish I knew how to explain this all to a 3 year old.

Therapy is awesome

So, I've been seeing a therapist for about two months now to help to sort out thoughts about the future of my relationship with J. As I mentioned a while back J has some serious issues that have yet to be completely resolved and I am still not sure how I should be handling the issue.

Therapy is a great thing - for any of you who have never been. It is so refreshing to be able to just sit, open your mouth and let everything out, with no filters like you may have when talking to family or friends. It really makes things far clearer than when they are muddied up with filtering. Kind of like the air conditioner filter - you take it out and it is full of gunk. No filter, no gunk to cloud things.
I give J credit for taking it upon himself to go to rehab, for the fourth time, back in July. And he did it on his own - no legal mumbo jumbo forcing it. But now he's been out since the beginning of August, living with his family, and I still do not see any evidence of steps he's taking to deal with his addiction. Sure a 30 day stint is a good thing - but what about after-care? Isn't that the most important part of recovery? Things you do every.single.day to keep yourself on track? He does nothing. Which is what he's always done. Which make me fairly certain we'll end up with the same result we've always gotten - relapse.
I have ideas in my head about what I think potentially successful reocvery looks like - I think I'm going to share them with J. I just don't want to get further down the road, with him continuing to do nothing, and then drop a bomb on him that I can't work on our rleationship unless he's taking what I believe to be some positive steps toward recovery. And, while he can make his own decisions about what steps he feels he needs to take - I also have to make my own decisions about what I can live with confortably

FREE arrid deodorant

I rarely find deodorant that is either for female use or gender neutral for a good stock up price, let alone for free. So I must get some of this this week.
Looks like we'll be making a trip over to Walgreens.

Thanks Money Saving Mom!

Wordless Wednesday - Frosting Face

Free Listerine Total Care Mouthwash

Print off this coupon for $2.00 off any Listerine total care mouthwash. Take it to your Walmart and you could score some free mouthwash, plus possibly even make a little change depending on your store's prices.

Thanks, I heart the mart!

Verdict - Cream Cheese Chicken

We had the cream cheese chicken this weekend while my sister was visiting. I let her pick three items off our October meal plan that she wanted to try. First thing I loved about this recipe was the simplicity! I threw a pound of frozen chicken breast into the crockpot. No need to thaw! Then covered that with one packet of dry Italian dressing mix, one can of cream of chicken soup, and one 8ounce container of cream cheese. Put lid on, set on low, and you're done.
8 hours later - with the house filled with a delicious aroma, we sat down to have dinner.
We had this over rice and it was awesome!You could even add some frozen peas toward the end of the cooking time to round out the meal.
While the kids are not big meat eaters yet and I still needed to give them some picky-eater pre-schooler staple like fish sticks, I did mix some of the chicken bits and sauce with the rice and Landon ate three servings of rice.
This was a hit and will definitely be added to a rotating monthly meal plan.

Free Tissues

You can get a FREE box of Kleenex cool touch tissues and also send one to a friend. Since I feel like I'm getting cold this weekend this couldn't come at a better time.

Request one here

Thanks Living rich with coupons!

Wordless Wednesday - Getting Big

FREE Progresso Soup

Right now Progresso soup has a rebate for a free can of Progresso Rich and Hearty Soup, any variety (up to $2.68)
Purchase must be made between 9/1/11-1/31/12
You can find the rebate form here.

Love soup in the fall and winter! Wish I could get the kids to like it more - maybe in time.

Thanks, Krazy Coupon Lady!

$1.00 off any 4 Scotties

$1.00 off any 4 Scotties tissues. Love these coupons - they had some great printable ones on their website a while back but for now they are gone. I do check now and then to see if they will bring them back - those were $0.50 off one which, doubled, made for free tissues.
For now I'll take this one, makes them only $0.75 each at my store.

Thanks, Printable Coupons and Deals!

QOTW - What do I love about fall?

Fall is my absolute favorite season. Something about the cool, crisp weather, the colors of the leaves changing, the fall holidays, and pumpkin anything. I even picked the first day of autumn as the day to get married.

I think my favorite thing about the fall season is the sense of renewal I feel. I know that most people view the spring season as the season of renewal but I think fall is the season of renewal. I think about the new school year starting and that fresh start you get from that. I work now in a organization where our year kicks off in the fall - so again - a new chance to reach goals, achieve things, begin something new.
The sound of a football game taking place, the smell of pumpkin pie, the taste of a juice sweet apple just picked from the tree, and seeing the kids jumping in big piles of colorful leaves brings me joy.