Our Wish Come Two

Inspirational Messages

2012-02-01T14:56:00.000-05:00

February Menu Plan

2012-01-31T09:39:00.039-05:00

1- Italian Style Tater Tot Casserole, salad

2 - crockpot black bean and salsa chicken, rice

3 - Tortellini vegetable soup, sandwiches

4 - Italian sausage stew, noodles

5 - Toasted Monkey sandwiches, smoothies

6- Spaghetti & Meatballs

7- Fish, noodles, vegetables

8- Loaded Baked Potato Soup, Sandwiches

9- Pizza and salad

10- takeout

11- peanut butter and apple crescents, smoothies

13- Spaghetti & Meatballs

14- Oven baked chicken legs, rice a roni

15- leftovers

16- pierogies, vegetable

17- Pasta with chicken thighs (or legs)

18- sausage stroganoff, salad

19- kid's choice (mac n cheese, hot dogs, fish sticks, etc - whatever they decide)

20- Spaghetti & Meatballs

21- Fish, noodles, vegetables

22- Loaded Baked Potato Soup, Sandwiches

23- Pizza (mexican)

24- takeout

25- frittata, potatoes, sausage

26- chicken nugget tacos, rice

27- Spaghetti & Meatballs

28- chicken osso bucco

29- leftovers

Snacks -
Slammin Graham Cracker PB&J Nachos

I know what I was feeling...

2012-01-26T14:17:00.001-05:00

but what was I thinking? That's how the song goes, right? So true.

J did it again. Duped me. Took advantage of my kindness. You can not even give that man an inch or he will take a mile.
In the few shorts weeks I have allowed him into our home for a visit while he waits on a location for more treatment, I have been lied to, had my material possessions nearly sold, and basically bs'd the entire time.
No more. No more visits, no more kindness. I will NOT allow him to use his medical issues as a means to make me feel sympathy for him anymore.

These are the top three things I want from my husband (or any man I may be in a relationship with) - honesty, integrity, and respect. Right now J can't give any of those things to me. And they are things I am entitled to in a relationship.
In six short months our separation agreement will be a year old. Time enough to have it changed to a divorce decree.
I don't think he realizes that the sand is quickly running through the hourglass.

Shopping for FREE or cheap

2012-01-19T11:40:00.001-05:00

My plan for this week

Walmart -
BIC 10pk pens $1.00
- (1) $1.00/1 coupon (SS 1/8/12)
FREE

Tops -
Nabisco to-go packs $1.00
Buy 6
- (2) $3.00/3 coupon (SS 1/8/12)
FREE

International delight creamer $1.66
- (1) $0.55/1 coupon (SS 1/8/12)
Final - $0.56

Total OOP - $0.56
Savings of $8.10 or 94%

Shopping for Free or Cheap

2012-01-13T11:51:00.000-05:00

My plan for this week is being altered a lot as I had planned on heading to both CVS and Walgreens for some great deals and stockup prices - but we're getting our first snowstorm of the season and neither of these stores is nearby so I've got to change the plan.

Rite Aid
Transaction #1 -
Clean and Clear B1G1 50%
Buy 2 - +/- $8.99
- (2) $2.00/1 (ss 1/8/12)
- (1) $1.00/1 video value
final - $3.99

Bengay $5.99
- $2.00/1 in-ad coupon
- (1) $3.00/1 printable coupon
final - $0.99

Stayfree pads 2 for $5.00
Buy 4 - $10.00
- $1.00 in-ad coupon
- (2) $1.00/2 stayfree coupon
final - $7.00

Neosporin $5.02 +/-
- $2.00/1 (ss 1/8/12)
final - $3.02

total order $15.00
use $4.00 UPR's from last week
Final OOP - $11.00
Get $10.00 UPR

2nd transaction -
One a day vitamins 2 for $18.00
- $1.00/1 video values
- (2) $2.00/1 (ss 1/1/12)
final - $13.00
use $10.00 UPR from transaction #1
final OOP $3.00
Get $5.00 UPR

3rd transaction -
Thermacare $3.00

2 boxes kleenex $2.58
- $1.00/2 video value
final - $1.58

palmolive dish soap $2.58
- $1.00/2 (ss 1/1/12)
final - $1.58

total order $6.16
use $5.00 UPR from transaction #2
final OOP - $1.16
Get$3.00 UPR

Finals at Rite Aid - $56.16 worth of product
Total OOP $15.16 with $3.00 UPR for next week
saved $41.00 or 73%

Raindrops

2012-01-05T09:42:00.000-05:00

Funny thing that this was my favorite song when I was about 3 years old. Maybe some cosmic message to my future self to remember to always keep a positive outlook on life and be grateful for what is good.

Shopping for Free or Cheap

2012-01-04T11:59:00.002-05:00

This is my shopping plan for this week - 1/1/12-1/7/12:

CVS

Nivea Lip Care - $2.50
Deal Idea:
Buy 4 Nivea Lip Care $2.50 each
-(2)$3/2 Nivea Lip Product Coupon from the 1/1 RedPlum insert
Pay: $4
Get a $5 ECB
Free + $1 Money Maker after coupons & ECB

TOTAL OOP $4.00

WALGREENS
Triaminic 2/$10.00
Get $5.00 RR wyb 2

Buy 2 $10.00
-(2) $3/1 Triaminic Fever Reducer, exp 2/15/12 (SS 12/4/11)
Pay $4
Get a $5 RR
Free + $1 Money Maker after coupons and RR

2nd transaction-
Advil Congestion $5
Dimetapp $5
-(1) $2/1 advil congestion relief, exp 3/4/12 (RP 12/11/11)
-(1) $1/1 dimetapp product printable coupon
-$5 RR from previous transaction
Pay $2
Get a $5 RR
Free + $3.00 Money Maker after coupons and RR

TOTAL OOP $6.00

RITE AID
Carefree pantyliners $1.00
Buy 2
Pay $2
Get $1 UPR

Playtex tampons $3.99
-(1) $1/1 playtex gentle glide tampons (SavingsStar)
-(1) $1/1 playtex gentle glide tampons (SS 11/20/11)
Pay $1.99
Get $1.00 UPR

Centrum ProNutrients BOGO 50% off
Buy 2 at +/- $12.50each
Total $19.75 after BOGO
-(2) $5/1 centrum pronutrients (RP 1/1/12)
-(1) $4/1 centrum pronutrients RA printable
Pay $5.75
Get $2.00 UPR (* $19.75 counted toward resolution rewards)

Colgate Optic White toothbrush $3.49
-(1) $3/1 colgate optic white toothbrush RA printable
-(1) $0.75/1 Colgate toothbrush (SS 1/1/12)
FREE + $0.28 overage (* $3.49 counted toward resolution reward)

Gallon Milk $2.60

Nissin cup noodles$0.99

Use $12.49 SCR from November 2011 purchases

TOTAL OOP $0.85

Overall totals for trip are -
$10.85 OOP for $62.82 worth of merchandise
savings of $51.97 or 82%!!

Plus I have $14.00 in ECB's, RR's, and UPR's for next week

Thanks, Living Rich with Coupons, For the Mommas, and Freebies2Deals!

God's got the Steering Wheel now.

2012-01-03T14:54:00.006-05:00

I know I said I wouldn't do it. But I did.
J spent a week in the ICU on IV antibiotics. At one point even with the strongest, most potent antibiotics there are, his white blood cell count continued to rise. Which makes you think the infection will win out. Scary.
So, when he got out of the hospital, I said he could come for a visit. Just a VISIT. With the understanding that he would keep his appointment with the counselor who was working on again finding him a treatment facility. The counselor got him an appointment at the center here in my town and he did keep his appointment. They are looking at a facility for a time period of 9-12 months. Unfortunately I don't feel confident that this will be the time it works for him either. Considering he has vocalized that he views it as a punishment. I'm pretty sure in my heart of hearts that he is going to have to begin to view this as an opportunity, not a punishment. Without that shift, success will remain out of reach.
It's been OK with him in the house. He's not doing anything at this point. We are so distant though that sometimes I don't even know what to say. I feel like the time of our marriage when we were the best of friends is way behind us now. Gone. Dead. Kind of like roadkill on the side of the highway left to just be pecked away by the vultures flying around.

He was supposed to have his 2nd appointment this afternoon - to discuss the plan going forward and where they might potentially find for him to go. But he didn't make it to that appointment. He ended up back in the hospital - ICU again - due to his blood sugar being out of control and his white blood cell count rising again.

I hate having to explain to my children why their Dad was at the house for a visit and why he has to stay at the doctor's until the doctor says it's OK for him to leave. They don't understand illness.

I asked God to help me make the right decision about whether to let him come for a visit. I truly felt that it was the right thing to do. Now I'm beginning to question my decision. What if it wasn't the best thing? What if he stalls and drags his feet on treatment decisions and is in and out of the hospital. What if the kids begin to think Daddy is living with us again??
Ya know, I hear so much about big issues in life, that you should "Let go and let God." But how? How is that even possible? How am I to know what the right thing to do is? Not like there is a big sign with writing on it up in the sky or God speaking to me through a megaphone or any other way. I search for any kind of sign telling me what to do but I never feel like I'm getting a clear one. And what if God steers me wrong? What if he's not even really listening to me?

Our Projects

2012-01-03T13:21:00.000-05:00

~~10 - making sugar cookie cutouts to give to our daycare provider and neighbors.~~ Close enough - we made cookies, just pre-packaged ones. (and ate them all ourselves)

9 - snowman paper plate crafts
8 - Christmas tree desserts out of ice cream cones and cookies
~~7 - finishing our Christmas Moose crafts for family gifts~~
6 - make handprint wreath Got haircuts and out to dinner instead
~~5 - making chocolate bark~~
~~4 - edible snowflakes~~
~~3 - decorating our Christmas stockings~~
2 - walking through our neighborhood looking at decorations MUCH TOO COLD
~~1 - making chex mix for Santa's snack - he doesn't have a sweet tooth this year~~.

Not bad if I do say so myself.

January Meal Plan

2011-12-30T12:27:00.001-05:00

1 – French toast PB & J’s

2 – Chicken Stuffing bake

3 – pierogies

4 – fish sticks, noodles

5 – spaghetti & meatballs

6 – baked potato soup, sammies

7 – sausage stroganoff

8 – roast chicken

9 – breakfast biscuit bowls

10 – takeout

11 – spaghetti and meatballs

12 – sloppy joe sliders

13 – chicken spaghetti bake (taste of home)

14 – crescent dogs

15 – fish, noodles

16 – spaghetti & meatballs

17 – chicken nuggets tacos

18 – pizza

19 – beef lo mein

20 – leftovers

21 – soup and sammies

22 – leftovers

23 – pizza

24 – ham and noodle dinner (taste of home)

25 – spaghetti & meatballs

26 – pierogies

27 – baked potato soup and sammies

28 – fish, noodles

29 – takeout

30 – frittata, smoothies

31 - spaghetti & meatballs

Some Serious Stuff

2011-12-21T09:43:00.001-05:00

Well, after many days and nights arguing with J about why I didn't think it was a good idea for him to come to our home for a holiday visit (family asked him to leave for questionable behavior, not following counselors recommendations, fear of what might be brewing in him again) I don't think it's going to matter anyhow.
3 days away from Christmas and J is in the hospital - neurological ICU - being given testing to figure out what is causing his strange symptoms of fever, high white blood cell count,not making sense when talking and confusion to the point of not really knowing where he is, or remembering how he got there.
Yesterday afternoon they tested him for meningitis. I think they are also testing for encephalitis.
Serious stuff - even more so for someone with diabetes that is not well controlled.

As much as I can be angry with him for the problems, this is frightening me.

*Updated to add - not menengitis or encephalitis. Diagnosis is double pneumonia. Still serious in someone with their spleen removed and diabetic.

Merry Chrismoose

2011-12-20T10:36:00.000-05:00

We finished our moose crafts that we are giving to some family for Christmas gifts. I think they came out pretty cute too! You'll notice the feet prints are not made of painted feet like the hands. The boys decided that they were NOT putting their feet into the paint. So, we comprimised and we traced our feet out of felt.

We may be crossing one item off our ten projects list tonight. I've finally convinced my children to get professional haircuts - this evening! I did have to bribe them with the promise of going out for dinner for pizza and ice cream but hey, you do what you gotta do, right?

So, I'm guessing we won't have time for a project tonight.

Edible Snowflakes

2011-12-19T10:27:00.000-05:00

We made these last night. They were super-easy. Kids had fun watching me transform a tortilla into a snowflake. They also loved the sugar on top and licked it off and asked for more at least 3 or 4 times each. My carpet looks like it snowed in the house from all the sugar falling off the snowflakes. Good thing vacuuming is on the agenda today.

C is for Cookie

2011-12-18T10:22:00.001-05:00

I know, I said we'd do sugar cookie cutouts, decorated, and given out to neighbors and daycare provider. Maybe that one was a little stretch.
We did make Christmas looking chocolate chip cookies (from a package) and ate them with hot cocoa with mini marshmallows in it. Yum!

That's the best I could do on this one.

Decorating Stockings

2011-12-17T10:20:00.000-05:00

This was the next project in our Christmas lineup. The boys were a bit more excited about this one than the candy making, go figure.

Anyhow, I think they came out pretty cute, and I love their artistic differences. I think we've come up with a new annual tradition - a different stocking each year. How fun!

Peppermint Bark

2011-12-16T12:55:00.000-05:00

Our first project in my 10 nights 'til Christmas line-up was making candy last night. I chose the peppermint bark because it seemed easy.

Only three ingredients.

Plus this, of course, for Mommy's sanity.

Kiddos loved smashing the candy canes! Alex didn't quite get why you need to use the bottom of the bowl for smashing.

And, licking the bowl out was, of course, the best part!

The finished product. Went a little bit crazy with the peppermint but today after sitting in the fridge all night, it looked wonderful! And we brought some to share at daycare.

...and kept a bunch home for ourselves.

Insecurity, Failure, and Thankfulness

2011-12-15T10:33:00.000-05:00

I try to remember all year long that I need to be more thankful for what I have. Sometimes, at least it appears to myself, I tend to be a complainer. Sometimes the need to voice my complaints comes from my feelings of failure and the need to put it out there and hear, whether from the rational voice in my head, or from others who might comment, that I really am not a failure at things, that I really am trying and doing my best.

My furnace is still working albeit at only 60% efficiency according to the recent energy audit I had done on the house - so I'm thankful for that. Thanks, Money Saving Mom!

It's OK to feel like I'm going to pull my hair out while the boys are running circles around me and I can't talk loud enough for them to even hear me so I have to start literally screaming just to be heard. I have to say having infertility=parenting guilt (topic for another post). But infertility also equals the ability to remember that somebody wants what I have.

It's OK to feel angry and hurt by the problems that are my marriage right now. I probably did not do much to cause them although I feel differently.

It's OK to feel angry with J when I am taking out the trash, cooking dinner, cleaning the dishes, giving the boys a bath, breaking up the kids arguments, cleaning up the toys at night, and trying to get two stalling three year olds to go to sleep. Anger is not always a wasted emotion. Sometimes it helps me power through.

It's OK to pare down the gift buying because I am a single income household.

It's OK if the laundry piles up in the laundry room.

Even though I do complain, a lot, I am truly thankful for what I have. It may not be perfect but at the end of each day, when I'm finally able to sit down (with glass, or bottle, of wine in hand) I do feel a sense of joy.

My life may be full of hurdles, and I may not be able to jump over them, but I can walk around them.

On the 1st Day of Christmas

2011-12-14T11:40:00.002-05:00

OK, I know that the real 12 days of Christmas start on December 25th. And I know there should be 12 and we're now a few days short. But, no one is perfect.
The countdown is on - 10 more nights until Christmas!
I bought the boys Advent calendars so everyday as soon as we get home from work/daycare they are ripping off their coats, hats, and mittens to get at the piece of candy. You would think that the tiny piece of chocolate held some magical powers for three year old boys!
I have really nice memories of Christmas from my childhood. One memory I have is decorating the house and tree with my Mom, and I still have some of those same decorations on my own tree now. It's humorous to try to explain to a three year old how old that ornament really is.
So, to try to give Alex and Landon some of those same decorating kind of memories here's my plan for the next ten nights. Keep in mind I am on vacation after tomorrow so that could be where my overachieving ideas are coming from.

10 - making sugar cookie cutouts to give to our daycare provider and neighbors.
9 - snowman paper plate crafts
8 - Christmas tree desserts out of ice cream cones and cookies
7 - finishing our Christmas Moose crafts for family gifts
~~6 - make handprint wreath~~
5 - making chocolate bark
4 - edible snowflakes
3 - decorating our Christmas stockings
2 - walking through our neighborhood looking at decorations
1 - making chex mix for Santa's snack - he doesn't have a sweet tooth this year.

911, What's Your Emergency?

2011-12-06T15:34:00.004-05:00

Parenthood.com has a t-shirt for sale the says "Parenthood means having 911 on speed dial." I am thinking about buying it for myself. Between having two boys, who seem to get injured more often (although that may be a myth because I'm a girl and only had sisters so no real experience growing up in a household with boys) and my own weird hypochondriac nature, I feel like having 911 on speed dial is in my foreseeable future.
This morning, while getting dressed, the boys were running between their room and the bathroom. I heard the water running and them chatting about brushing their teeth - but thought no way they could actually do it themselves (without me supervising AND opening the toothpaste tube.)
Next thing I know, Alex is standing behind me drinking the toothpaste out of the tube. WHAT?!?! I grabbed it from him and of course it says if swallowed to call poison control. I immediately began thinking my child was in grave danger. I asked him, repeatedly how much he drank. He said he didn't know, he said a lot, he said a little, he said up to 6. Again, WHAT?!?!
I said I was going to have to call the doctor. He's crying, Landon's crying, they are saying they don't want to go to the doctor's. I actually called my friend, who is a mom of two grown children (so she survived as did they) and asked her opinion. After a few minutes on the phone we concluded that since the tube was still rather full, and he didn't have it all over the place, it was probably safe to just give him lots of water to drink and watch him. The alternative being going to the ER, inducing vomiting, and having a child who for the rest of his life will refuse to brush his teeth.

I did however, tell them that it was the doctor on the phone, and that he said they should NEVER do that again. They bought my story. They escaped injury this time. And, hopefully, there was a lesson learned about drinking Crest. Plus I'm sure Alex had fresh breath for the entire day.

Two in the Bed and the Little One Said

2011-12-01T13:16:00.000-05:00

I was getting ready for work this morning and it was time for the boys to start getting dressed. Alex was in my bed (as he often is at 7:00am) and Landon was still in his bed. I went into the kids' room, with Alex following. I asked them both to pick out a shirt to wear for the day. Alex proceeded to climb into Landon's bed, get under the covers and snuggle with his brother. And they both told me how tired they were - and could they sleep for just 11 more minutes?

cutest.thing.ever

December Meal Plan

2011-11-30T15:42:00.000-05:00

1 - Chicken Stuffing Bake, vegetables

2 - fish sticks, vegetables, noodles or rice

3 - spaghetti and meatballs

4 - chunky soup with rice

5 - Layered Meatball bake

6 - pierogies, vegetables

7 - unstuffed shells, salad

8 - pierogies, vegetables

9 - chili, veggie sticks, breadsticks

10 - spaghetti and meatballs

11 - rigatoni with greens and beans (see October for recipe)

12 - cream cheese chicken, rice

13 - sausage stroganoff

14 - Breakfast biscuit bowls, fruit

15 - Sausage Tater Crescent Pizza, fruit

16 - Pasta with Spinach and Sausage, garlic bread

17 - Ratatouille with pasta (recipe in Women's World magazine)

18 - Ham and Cheese Ziti, salad (Taste of Home)

19 - Chicken nugget tacos, mexican rice

20 - spaghetti and meatballs

21 - dinner out

22 - baked potato soup, grilled sandwiches

23 - Beefy tomato and spinach rotini

24 - Lasagna casserole

25 - Visiting family

26 - visiting family

27 - visiting family

28 - visiting family

29 - spaghetti and meatballs

30 - Cheesy Vegetable Chowder, rolls

31 - take out dinner

Shopping savings 11/11/11

2011-11-15T10:36:00.003-05:00

Went to Tops this past weekend - Got 5 packages of pasta, 4 boxes of hot chocolate mix, 8 boxes of brownie mix, snacks, and a package of sweet moments dessert bites (Yum!!)
Total retail value- $42.00
Total OOP - $6.95

Saved - $35.05 or 83%!!

Now that's the kind if savings that'll get us on that cruise or help pay for college!

Guns and Roses singing in my head

2011-11-14T22:35:00.000-05:00

"All we need is just a little patience..."

As I sit here tonight, the words of Axel Rose spinning in my head, I can't help but wonder how many other people have concerns about their level of patience with their families.

I am normally a pretty patient person. I don't seem to have the instant gratification gene, I have no problem waiting for my favorite movie to come out on DVD before seeing it, and I pride myself on my ability to (most of the time) speak to people in a calm manner, even when I'm upset about something. I even wonder at times if I have the ability to get angry. I have a hard time expressing anger. But tonight, for whatever reason, my patience tank was completely empty.

We've been looking at different comforter sets for the boys beds, since all summer they only used light blankets. I wanted to get the sets before it gets really cold. I found really cute train sets and when I went online to order them found out they were discontinued. I finally broke down and asked the boys what sets they wanted - of course the answer was Thomas the Train. So, I ordered them. They were backordered and nearly every day the boys asked when they would be coming. Finally today I got the text that they had arrived. I ran to the store on my lunch so they would be waiting for the boys when they got home. And they so happy when they saw them. They kept saying thank you, thank you, thank you.

When we went upstairs for bed I went to put the sheets on the beds and they didn't want them. I sort of lost it. I didn't yell, or say anything mean, but I did kind of blow up and start ranting about how I was going to return them to the store and get my money back, yadda, yadda, yadda.....

Alex looked at me and said, "Mommy, calm, calm..."

I don't know what happened. I read parenting books. Walk away when your children upset you, count to ten, we all know the suggestions for keeping it under control. I know that 3 year olds are creatures of habit, finding comfort in the confines of routine and sameness. Why did it upset me so much that they didn't want to change the blankets they use tonight?

After he said that, I did calm down. We read our stories, asked our stalling questions, and finally got into bed. As I tucked Alex in, I thanked him for telling me to calm down. I told him that just like when he gets upset and I tell him to calm down and think things through, sometimes Mommy needs to be reminded to do that too, when she is getting upset for maybe no good reason. I asked him if he would be my "calmer downer" when I need it. He said he would.

Lesson learned little boy....Thank you for helping to teach me.

Verdict - Cheesy Potato Soup

2011-11-09T12:04:00.000-05:00

I made the potato soup yesterday. I have a weird obsession with this stuff lately. I had lunch at Panera the other day and got it for lunch. This stuff was fabulous! So, I decided to make my own. The recipe was super simple and I made it in the crockpot which made it even easier. I was bummed that I didn't get to the store as I would have liked some fresh chives in it but I will add those next time. I did nearly burn my house down making the bacon - the boys and I were playing some Mickey Mouse game on the computer (Landon's love for computer games is already beginning to worry me) and forgot that it was cooking until I heard some strange crackling and went into the kitchen to find the smoke beginning to get out of control. Made it just in time to turn on the fan and NOT set off the smoke alarm. Good thing I changed those batteries with the daylight savings time change.
The soup turned out great. Anything with cheese and bacon in it is great in my book.
The boys wouldn't touch it - they don't like soup (they've never even tried soup) but assured me that when they get bigger they will like soup.
Who cares....they ate grilled cheese sandwiches. I got delicious, cheesy, soup. Everyone was happy.

Happy Halloween

2011-11-01T12:17:00.000-04:00

We did great for the first Halloween that the boys actually understood what it was, what to do, and could get excited about it! The costumes turned out fabulous and we got tons of comments about how great they looked! I'm thinking about entering them into the best and cheapest homemade costume contest on facebook. Boys had a ball getting candy and will now have a ball eating it. What a great day - I have never had so much fun trick or treating as I did last night.

Verdict - Sausage Pasta Skillet

2011-10-29T11:50:00.005-04:00

This recipe worked well for our family. The boys like sausage (will rarely touch hamburger) and macaroni. I served theirs' with sauce on it, instead of the veggies andcheese sauce that the recipe suggests. I just put that into mine. Because Alex and Landon are also creatures of habit and any kind of macaroni should be served with red sauce on it. Only.Red.Sauce.Always.

Good dinner, good leftovers too. It's a keeper!

All the live long day

2011-10-28T11:49:00.000-04:00

I'm finishing up the train costumes today. I have to; trick of treating is this weekend. Why I chose to be an overachiever and make costumes, I don't know. But someone, PLEASE remind me next year that even though it may cost a little bit more it may be so much easier to BUY the costumes (especially when one's strength is not making crafts)
J is coming for a visit this weekend. To trickk or treat with the boys. Look for an update in the Marriage Chronicles on how this visit goes. I'm going to try to write my letter, outlining my expectations, tonight so I can share with him over the weekend. On my therapists suggestion. Apparently I have a ton of thoughts on the subject in my head, but I'm not very good at sharing them. And, it's only fair for him to know exactly what my expectations for future work on our marriage are.

Happy Halloween.

Pictures of costumes, pumpkins, and trick or treating to come next week.

November Meal Plan

2011-10-28T11:43:00.000-04:00

1 - Spinach Artichoke Pasta

2 - Chicken Stuffing Bake, vegetables (OAMC - Make two, freeze one for December)

3 - Toddler Cheesy Potato Soup, sandwiches

4 - spaghetti and meatballs

5- Frittata, hash browns, toast

6- Goldfish pizza, veggie sticks

7- fish sticks, vegetables, noodles or rice

8- pierogies, vegetables

9- spaghetti and meatballs

10- chili, veggie sticks, breadsticks

11- unstuffed shells, salad

12 - rigatoni with greens and beans (see October for recipe)

13 - Bacon Alfredo casserole

14 - chunky soup with rice or biscuits

15 - cheeseburger macaroni, veggies (Alex SWORE he would eat this - we'll see)

16 - spaghetti and meatballs

17 - fish sticks, vegetables, noodles or rice

18 - Make ahead sausage casserole, smoothies

19 - Breakfast biscuit bowls, fruit

20 - Macaroni and Cheese with Beef, salad

21 - pierogies, vegetables

22 - Cream cheese chicken, rice (frozen from October OAMC cooking) (crockpot)

23 - spaghetti and meatballs

24 - Thanksgiving Dinner

25 - visiting family

26 - visiting family

27 - visiting family

28 - Sausage Tater Crescent Pizza, fruit

29 - Pasta with Spinach and Sausage, garlic bread

30 - spaghetti and meatballs

I've been working on the railroad

2011-10-19T13:13:00.001-04:00

Last night we began working on making the boys Halloween costumes. They've both decided that they want to be Thomas and James, trains from the Thomas the Tank Train series. Not conductors, or train passengers, but actual trains. So my thought was, "how in the He*! am I going to do this?"
I am probably the least crafty person around. When I make something it always appears that a four year old constructed it. I am great at drawing stick figures but that's about it. So, how do I build a train costume and make it look halfway decent?
I searched the Internet and found some great directions. We had two boxes in the house so last night we cut them, and taped them into the proper shape for trains. I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself after this first step - they don't look half bad!
Next step is painting them. Which the kids want to help with. Which should be rather interesting (read: messy)
We're headed to Wal-Mart tonight after dinner to buy the paint; and may start painting tomorrow. Well, if they end up looking terrible I think I'll still have time to go out and BUY a costume.

Always Heart Breaking

2011-10-18T09:29:00.001-04:00

We traveled to Grandpa's for the weekend to take part in the Making Strides for Breast Cancer walk with some family (more about that later). We visited with J. The boys had a great time.
I came home feeling torn, and sad. I never imagined our marriage would be this way - I didn't ask for this. And, it makes me so angry that J's decisions caused all of this. And if it were just me I could walk away from him in a moment's notice. But what makes it so hard, and makes me cry, inside and out, is when I hear my 3 year olds tell their daddy that they love him. And, then tell me that they miss their daddy and they want daddy to come back and live at our house again. It breaks my heart into a million pieces every time I hear the boys say things like that.
I wish that I could feel like it would be "safe" for that to happen.
I wish J never put our family in this situation.
I wish I knew how to explain this all to a 3 year old.

Therapy is awesome

2011-10-14T11:13:00.002-04:00

So, I've been seeing a therapist for about two months now to help to sort out thoughts about the future of my relationship with J. As I mentioned a while back J has some serious issues that have yet to be completely resolved and I am still not sure how I should be handling the issue.

Therapy is a great thing - for any of you who have never been. It is so refreshing to be able to just sit, open your mouth and let everything out, with no filters like you may have when talking to family or friends. It really makes things far clearer than when they are muddied up with filtering. Kind of like the air conditioner filter - you take it out and it is full of gunk. No filter, no gunk to cloud things.
I give J credit for taking it upon himself to go to rehab, for the fourth time, back in July. And he did it on his own - no legal mumbo jumbo forcing it. But now he's been out since the beginning of August, living with his family, and I still do not see any evidence of steps he's taking to deal with his addiction. Sure a 30 day stint is a good thing - but what about after-care? Isn't that the most important part of recovery? Things you do every.single.day to keep yourself on track? He does nothing. Which is what he's always done. Which make me fairly certain we'll end up with the same result we've always gotten - relapse.
I have ideas in my head about what I think potentially successful reocvery looks like - I think I'm going to share them with J. I just don't want to get further down the road, with him continuing to do nothing, and then drop a bomb on him that I can't work on our rleationship unless he's taking what I believe to be some positive steps toward recovery. And, while he can make his own decisions about what steps he feels he needs to take - I also have to make my own decisions about what I can live with confortably

FREE arrid deodorant

2011-10-13T14:30:00.001-04:00

I rarely find deodorant that is either for female use or gender neutral for a good stock up price, let alone for free. So I must get some of this this week.
Looks like we'll be making a trip over to Walgreens.

Thanks Money Saving Mom!

Wordless Wednesday - Frosting Face

2011-10-12T10:48:00.000-04:00

Free Listerine Total Care Mouthwash

2011-10-11T15:10:00.000-04:00

Print off this coupon for $2.00 off any Listerine total care mouthwash. Take it to your Walmart and you could score some free mouthwash, plus possibly even make a little change depending on your store's prices.

Thanks, I heart the mart!

Verdict - Cream Cheese Chicken

2011-10-11T14:57:00.002-04:00

We had the cream cheese chicken this weekend while my sister was visiting. I let her pick three items off our October meal plan that she wanted to try. First thing I loved about this recipe was the simplicity! I threw a pound of frozen chicken breast into the crockpot. No need to thaw! Then covered that with one packet of dry Italian dressing mix, one can of cream of chicken soup, and one 8ounce container of cream cheese. Put lid on, set on low, and you're done.
8 hours later - with the house filled with a delicious aroma, we sat down to have dinner.
We had this over rice and it was awesome!You could even add some frozen peas toward the end of the cooking time to round out the meal.
While the kids are not big meat eaters yet and I still needed to give them some picky-eater pre-schooler staple like fish sticks, I did mix some of the chicken bits and sauce with the rice and Landon ate three servings of rice.
This was a hit and will definitely be added to a rotating monthly meal plan.

Free Tissues

2011-10-09T09:57:00.000-04:00

You can get a FREE box of Kleenex cool touch tissues and also send one to a friend. Since I feel like I'm getting cold this weekend this couldn't come at a better time.

Request one here

Thanks Living rich with coupons!

Wordless Wednesday - Getting Big

2011-10-05T13:54:00.000-04:00

FREE Progresso Soup

2011-10-05T10:20:00.000-04:00

Right now Progresso soup has a rebate for a free can of Progresso Rich and Hearty Soup, any variety (up to $2.68)
Purchase must be made between 9/1/11-1/31/12
You can find the rebate form here.

Love soup in the fall and winter! Wish I could get the kids to like it more - maybe in time.

Thanks, Krazy Coupon Lady!

$1.00 off any 4 Scotties

2011-10-04T14:33:00.001-04:00

$1.00 off any 4 Scotties tissues. Love these coupons - they had some great printable ones on their website a while back but for now they are gone. I do check now and then to see if they will bring them back - those were $0.50 off one which, doubled, made for free tissues.
For now I'll take this one, makes them only $0.75 each at my store.

Thanks, Printable Coupons and Deals!

QOTW - What do I love about fall?

2011-10-04T14:03:00.001-04:00

Fall is my absolute favorite season. Something about the cool, crisp weather, the colors of the leaves changing, the fall holidays, and pumpkin anything. I even picked the first day of autumn as the day to get married.

I think my favorite thing about the fall season is the sense of renewal I feel. I know that most people view the spring season as the season of renewal but I think fall is the season of renewal. I think about the new school year starting and that fresh start you get from that. I work now in a organization where our year kicks off in the fall - so again - a new chance to reach goals, achieve things, begin something new.
The sound of a football game taking place, the smell of pumpkin pie, the taste of a juice sweet apple just picked from the tree, and seeing the kids jumping in big piles of colorful leaves brings me joy.

October Menu Plan

2011-09-30T10:59:00.000-04:00

As a single working mom with two busy kids I thought I'd try to take up menu planning. I have some friends who are great at it - and I've been taking some advice and tips from them. Plus, menu planning is a BIG step in couponing and saving money. So, we're gonna give it a go. And, I'll do my best to give some reviews of new things we try. Since a lot of my menu planning will be focused on families with picky eaters.

1- Breakfast Biscuit Bowls, fruit

2 - Pizza Chicken, noodles (crockpot)

3- Spaghetti and meatballs, garlic bread

4- Pierogies, vegetables

5 - Cream Cheese Chicken, rice (crockpot) (OAMC - make two, freeze one for November)

6 - Baked Mexican Penne, (OAMC - make two, freeze one for Nov/Dec)

7 - Goldfish Pizza, veggie sticks

8- Sausage and Pasta Skillet

9- Fish Sticks, rice or noodles, fruit

10- Spaghetti and Meatballs, garlic bread

11- Breakfast Burritos, yogurt fruit smoothies

12 - Ham and Pasta Skillet

13- Chicken Lickin drumsticks, rice, veggies

14- Unstuffed Shells, salad (OAMC, freeze one for November/December)

15- We're all staying at Grandpa's for weekend

16- We're all staying at Grandpa's for weekend

17- Spaghetti and Meatballs, garlic bread

18- Savory Italian Sausage Stew, pasta

19- Pierogies, vegetables

20- Chunky soup with rice

21- dinner out

22- Sausage Stroganoff (using Hamburger Helper)

23- Grilled Cheese sandwiches, soup

24- Spaghetti and meatballs, garlic bread

25- Salisbury Steak, potatoes, vegetables

26- Frittata with broccoli and cheese, fruit, toast

27- Crescent Dogs, fries

28- fish sticks, rice or noodles, fruit

29 - Rigatoni with greens and beans (omit red pepper)

30- Pizza (Takeout)

31 - Monster Claws

Deals

2011-09-27T22:35:00.001-04:00

best deals I found for myself today:

http://printablecouponsanddeals.com/2011/09/1-off-one-any-flavor-yoplait-frozen-smoothie.html - will be great with my breakfast for dinner day

http://thekrazycouponlady.com/2011/09/26/brita-pitcher-only-3-97-at-walmart-6-00-money-maker-after-rebate/ - already have one of these BUT it is a $6.00 moneymaker so may need an additional one.

Thanks, Printable coupons and deals and Krazy coupon lady!

Pork with Sauerkraut Recipe

2011-09-27T14:53:00.001-04:00

Pork tenderloin - had a $1.00 of coupon for these making total less than $5.00
two bags sauerkraut - free from our Fun on the Farm excursion over the weekend
one apple - $1.00

Put all in crockpot. Cook on low for 10 hours.

Dinnner will be wiating for us when we get home. Just boil some water for some Idahoan bag potatoes.

Deals 9-26-11

2011-09-26T22:14:00.000-04:00

My Deal of the day was Walgreens 24ct maxi pads - I paid $2.00 and got a $2.00 RR
Gotta love FREE.

Fun on the Farm

2011-09-25T21:12:00.001-04:00

The kids and I went to a fun event this weekend called "Fun on the Farm." Every year a different local farmer hosts it and they have a tour of the farm, local farmer vendors, food samples, and education and awareness of farming. I figured since the boys love animals it would be a fun thing to do together.

We got to sample local apples, strawberry milk, and apple chips. And some cheese, which before I realized it, I gave Alex a sample of roasted garlic cheddar. I was fully expecting him to spit it everywhere but to my surprise he told me it was, and I quote, Yummmmy!

The kids played some fun farm games, like bowling with cabbage, and ring toss over milk jugs, and we won some bags of sauerkraut, and string cheese.

We saw some cows being milked and got to pet a baby calf.

We did not take a hay ride because Landon informed me that tractors drive too fast.

And, when we were leaving Alex told me that while we were in the milking barn he was sure one of the cows was going to start chasing him. What an imagination!

On the way back to the car we stopped at some HUGE tractors which they loved - anything trucks, cars, or machinery is amazing. Definate male mentality.

It really was fun on the farm. And we got to get out of the house, learn some new things together, and enjoy a beautiful fall day.

Deals 9-25-11

2011-09-25T21:08:00.000-04:00

I only found one deal I was interested in today. A new coupon for $1.00/3 Furmano's canned tomatoes - I use these to make spaghetti sauce in big batches that I then freeze for the month.

http://www.livingrichwithcoupons.com/2011/09/new-13-furmanos-tomatoes-coupon.html

Thanks, Living Rich with Coupons!

Deals of the day

2011-09-25T12:03:00.001-04:00

I check a lot of couponing websites on a daily basis to help with my couponing "habit". There are more deals out there than you could imagine. I wish I had known about all of these tips sooner - could have been saving a bundle for years.
I'm going to share my top 3 deals of the day - look under the deals of the day tab for these posts.
Happy shopping and saving!

Shopping 9-23-11

2011-09-24T09:51:00.000-04:00

First trip was to Rite Aid - where I got pull-ups, wipes, tampons, tissues, and dishwasher soap. I am fully stocked up on the tampons, tissues, and dishwasher soap now for probably 3 months.
Total retail value was $77.48
My OOP was 32.37
savings of 55%

Then Walmart - I never really save a huge percentage on my walmart trips because they are big trips, meant for a purchase that will cover two weeks of food, and the kids are with me (and they are now able to throw things into the cart that they want - like yogurt smoothies, cookies, extra grapes, etc)
Between price matching and coupons I was able to save 13% off this trip as well.
Not too shabby.

You say it's your birthday....

2011-08-25T09:45:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday boys. I can not believe that you are 3.years.old Time goes so quickly - sometimes I look at you and I still can't believe that you are here. Other times, like when you're fighting over a toy, or WWF wrestling in the living room, the noise in our house makes it very clear that you are here.

I will never forgot what it was like to have a silent home.

And, I'll take the noise any day.

Happy Birthday. I love you both very much!

Mommy

4th Blogoversary

2011-08-23T15:07:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow is my 4 year Blogoversary. Four years since I started writing as a way to sort out my feelings of despair as J and I struggled with infertility and how we would ever build a family.
I now struggle sometimes with continuing to blog - although I do love to write and always have found that I feel I can express myself best in writing. There are so many issues with maintaining a blog - time to write and whether or not anyone is interested in what I'm writing are the two main ones for me.
It is so often difficult to write, trying to raise two small children alone and maintain a household as well. So many times, I think to myself, "OMG, I'd love to tell the world about this." But by the time, we finish whatever it is that we're doing, and the boys get to bed, and I actually have some time to sit down and write, I'm often too exhausted to sign on to the computer and put our story down on virtual paper. I should try harder because 1. I hope that someday my children will be able to see this blog as a virtual memory book and 2. I don't want to use the excuse of having to raise two children alone as an excuse for not doing something. There are probably millions of people doing the same things every day - and I try to live by the idea that if something is important to you you will find time for it.
I guess the bigger issue for me now is whether anyone is interested in what I have to say. I guess I don't always feel like we have the most exciting life - I see it more as pretty average. With the one small difference being my children are twins. So most posts are about them and where they are at developmentally, pictures, etc. Nothing extraordinarily exciting. Except to me and the people who know and love them.
Before my blog turned into a parenting multiples blog the writing came so easily for me - I could spew off post after post about my subject matter - infertility - and I had such clear opinions on the subject. I also felt really confident in my knowledge of the subject matter - I felt like I was an expert on infertility - having been in the trenches for nearly 7 years. Now, with the parenting multiples blog, well, I'm not a parenting expert. I'm not an expert at raising kids. Hell, most days I feel like I don't know what the hell I'm doing and my kids will be lucky if we can get through to adulthood without major mistakes on my part. I yell sometimes when I probably shouldn't, I let them watch maybe too much t.v, and eat junk food snacks instead of apples, I just don't know how much I'm doing right or wrong.
So, that makes it even more difficult to write - like what the heck does this chick know about raising multiples?

But I do know that I am learning more and more about parenting multiples each day and maybe someday I will be an expert. Maybe I'll publish a book about raising twins and all the joy and chaos that goes along with that. Even if I'm not a one-day expert though, at least my children will be able to look back on this blog and have some evidence of the mistakes I made to use against me - and some evidence of my love for them as well.

Deal-breaker

2011-08-18T16:31:00.000-04:00

I've been DVR'ing and watching Dr. Phil at night after the boys go to bed. It's my me-time (sometimes a drink, almost always potato chips, and Dr. Phil or a book - on the kindle)

Last night Dr. Phil said something that resonated with me -- "There are a few absolute drop dead dealbreakers in a marriage."

What J did was, according to Dr. Phil, a dealbreaker - so why can I not be more angry? Should I be? Every day I wonder if I'm handling the situation the way I should be. Everyone I talk to about it is biased - they are my family and friends. So, I've decided to seek out the opinion and help of a professional counselor. I need to make sure I handle this situation in the best possible manner for the boys and their future.

Savings 8-14-11

2011-08-18T16:27:00.000-04:00

Grocery shopping trip this week included shopping at Rite Aid, Top's and Walmart - plus ordering pull ups from Amazon

Amazon - $21.11 for 96 count pampers pull ups - 21cents each

Total merchandise - $277.00
Total OOP - $202.00
Savings of $75.00 or about 27%

Wordless Wednesday: Learning to Ride

2011-08-17T09:47:00.000-04:00

Staycation July 2011

2011-08-02T15:53:00.000-04:00

We had a staycation this past week. Tons of fun! We did so much and it completely stunk going back to work. And try explaining to two 3 year olds why today is a work day and not another vacation day. Not fun.

To start off the week we spent the weekend at Grandpa's house visiting. We went to the beach - but once again the boys were not willing to go in the water, or even near the water for that matter. So, needless to say we didn't stay long in the 95 degree weather. I don't understand my children and their obsession with keeping their socks and shoes on. Must come from J. I prefer to go around barefoot as much as possible.

On Monday we visited Grandpa with the beard and then drove home, with Aunt Stef, to our house. This was the first visit with Grandpa with the beard that Alex did not cry at (those beards are a scary thing you know). He even was willing to ride next to Grandpa in the golf cart.

Tuesday the boys did go to daycare so that Mommy could car shop - the car is in desperate need of being retired. And we were able to find one so we should have it soon.

Then for the rest of the week we did different fun things.

We went to the fair, and saw all the animals, attempted rides but were too scared, and won a nemo fish by playing a ball toss game. Sadly though, Nemo wanted to go back to the ocean to visit his own Mom and dad so we sent him there by way of toilet flush the next day. We went to the play museum and saw Big Bird's nest, rode on a train, and shopped at the pretend grocery store. We went to the playground and the beach and actually went into the water (although we did keep our socks on) and had fun building a sand castle. If I tell my children I need their superpowers to help build the castle they are much more willing to go close to the water.

There was one incident where we got a little too tired and had a major meltdown. But luckily no one actually called the police on Mommy - they just thought I was abducting Alex from Walmart as he screamed at the top of his lungs, "No, No, Go back, No, I won't get in the car! I NEED a Toy!!" Good thing he threw in the last part about the toy or I seriously might have been sitting in a jail cell while Aunt Stef went to get the boys birth certificates for my proof of parenthood.

They say marriage is for better or for worse. So is parenthood I guess.

All in all it was a great staycation.

Wordless Wednesday - Hiding

2011-07-20T08:00:00.000-04:00

Shopping plans 7-22-2011

2011-07-19T11:38:00.000-04:00

I won't be buying much this week as we're headed on a road trip to visit family for the weekend. But there are two great deals I can't pass up.

Staples
Charmin big roll toilet paper 16 count $4.99
Use coupon from P&G insert
Final cost - $4.74 or 29 cents per roll

Rite Aid
Samy Fat Foam Hair color $8.99
Buy 2
Use $3.00/$15.00 order receipt coupon
Use (2) $3.00/1 coupon from Samy Fat Foam Facebook page
OOP cost - $8.98
Get $10.00 in UPR's
Final cost - FREE plus $1.02 money maker

Stocking up on toilet paper because I know that with two boys who will soon (read: hopefully) be potty trained we'll be using more of this. And, need those hair colors since single handedly raising two pre-schoolers seems to be causing a few (read: lots) more grays to appear on my head.

Savings 7-15-11

2011-07-17T23:19:00.000-04:00

I shopped at Rite Aid, Tops, and Walmart this week. Trip included groceries for two weeks, toys for boys (two puzzles and two cars/truck), plus two t-shirts for Mommy.
Total merchandise $234.16
Total OOP $179.01
Savings of 23%

Not quite extreme couponing...but near a quarter % savings. Not bad.

Weekly Freebies 7-15-11

2011-07-16T12:00:00.000-04:00

This week in my mailbox I got:
Sample pack of Playtex Sport tampons which included a high-value coupon for $1.00 off an 18count box
Coupon for a FREE Suave Naturals Body Lotion
Organize in STyle coupon book worth $35.00 in savings

What's normal for you may not be for me

2011-07-13T16:11:00.001-04:00

We visted the zoo this past weekend. While watching the wolf circle around his area, Alex asked me, "Mommmy where is his twin?" I explained that maybe he didn't have a twin. Then Landon said, "well of course he does; he's right there" and pointed out the second wolf.
Cute that they think that everything has a twin.

Shopping Plans 7-15-11

2011-07-13T15:45:00.000-04:00

So, as I mentioned in a previous post, I am seriously trying to save money and couponing has become my latest obsession. With being a single income household and two children to educate I've got to find ways to reduce my debt and build my savings and give us a little breathing room in our monthly budget so that I can sometimes buy that toy the boys want or maybe even take a little vacation. Couponing, from my brief research, seems to be a good strategy to start with.
I shop every other week - so I'll try to post some of my lists, and coupon strategies, and of course, what I saved. Maybe you'll find it helpful.

Plan for week of 7/15 -
Rite Aid
Simplicity toilet paper 24 rolls $5.00 (that is 21 cents per roll!) Buy 2
Purex laundry detergent $1.97 Buy 2
Total - 13.94
Use $4.86 UPR's from previous shopping trip
Total OOP - $9.08

Top's
I'll be buying some of the items listed here --
http://www.couponsforyourfamily.com/2011/07/tops-weekly-deals-710-716-free-pure-protein-bars-carefree-liners-and-more.html
Thanks Coupons for your family!

Walmart
Regular groceries needed (milk, half and half, eggs, pull-ups, meat, produce) I've got to organize my coupons for my Walmart trip myself sometime before this weekend.

I'll post after the shopping what my savings were.

Does this thing blow bubbles?

2011-07-13T10:47:00.000-04:00

The new lawn mower arrived this morning. The boys were super excited about it coming and wanted me to open the box right away. No time though - had to get to work. So, after work tonight we'll be unpacking the mower, and READING THE DIRECTIONS this time, so that this mower might last more than a year. Who knows, maybe it will even last so long that one day in the future the boys will be fighting over who gets to mow the lawn.
Ha! Who am I kidding? I remember that chore as a teenager - it was great when I was in a "I'm getting in shape this summer" mode but that quickly got old, and then the cool air conditioner and daytime television began calling me....

While Landon loves to push his bubble mower around the yard now I'm sure that in another ten years, the mower will be in the middle of the yard, grass half-cut, and he will be in the house, on the phone, watching television, playing video games, or out playing with friends.
Alex has already laid his claim as the one who likes to watch his brother mow the lawn. His bubble mower had spider webs all over it from lack of use.

Happy 4th of July

2011-07-05T12:37:00.000-04:00

The boys and I spent the weekend with family enjoying the zoo, the lake, making sandcastles and eating BBQ.
They had a ball seeing all the animals at the zoo and it never ceases to amaze me when one of them steps out of their comfort zone to do something I would have never thought they would. Alex, who is normally hesitant to try new things, loved petting the deer at the zoo. Couldn't get enough of it. He said it was, "Cool."

We made sandcastles at the beach and Landon counted close to 100 boats that went by that day. He has informed me that we have to get a boat. Sure, but first a lawn mower to replace the broken one so I can get the lawn mowed before I lose you in it.

I love summer.

New Hobbies

2011-06-17T11:14:00.000-04:00

If you can call it a hobby that is. What with having two near-three year olds, working, and being a Mom thrown once again into single parenthood by a husband with far too many issues, I have taken up the "hobby" of couponing. It is quickly becoming an obssession with me - how much can I save, where can I find the best deal. I figure with two boys heading to college at the same time I need to get a jump on this savings plan NOW.
Landon actually called me the coupon lady the other day.

One thing that's come along with couponing is signing my self up for freebies everywhere I can. Today I found this
I look forward to getting my sample in the mail. I'm sure the bugs will love it and will tell you about it when they've tried it. Anything with less sugar is a good thing.

I'll post an update about the boys soon. They are up to soooo much lately - the conversations, the increasing independence, what a fun, fun age we're at!

Looking forward to a fun summer - the car's movie coming out, and winnie the pooh (those will be our first trips to a movie theater), going to our family's cmap at the lake, the splash park, zoo, and the Great American Backyard Campout (we're going to make S'mores!)

Serious Update

2011-03-24T14:56:00.000-04:00

Seriously, I am the worst blogger on the face of the earth. I haven't posted since December - how can that be? Gosh, life goes by way to fast. So, for updates:
1. I see the last post had to do with my favorite holiday cookies. The bugs and I made them - and I am not a baker. LOVE to cook, but baking is not my thing. When the cookies were done I gave them to the bugs, who proceeded to spit them out and tell me, "Mommy, these are yucky." We won't try that again.
2. Christmas was fabulous! The first year they are beginning to understand about Santa. Spent way too much money and also way too much time putting together toys Christmas Eve night - while cursing a lot I might add - but their faces Christmas morning made it all worth it. And to this day, some mornings Landon still comes down the stairs and sees his toys and says, "Santa brought new toys!"
3. Went away for the first time leaving the bugs home for 4 days - for a work convention. It was scary anticipating how it would go and I missed them terribly. But we all survived. Them better than me I think.
4. We are still not interested in the potty. Nearly 31 months old and I'm told, "We like our diapers, Mommy." I try not to stress about it - they'll be out of diapers before high school, right?
5. We have become seriously picky eaters although we always have room for dessert. Hummmm?
6. We can count in English and Spanish, jump with both feet off the ground, climb stairs really fast, and basically make Mommy crazy with worry a lot.
7. We have already begun the, "He's touching me. Stop touching me." phase of our lives - if I remember correctly from my own personal experience with my siblings this will last until they turn 30 years old.
8. We are the best of friends (at times) and complete opposites. If Alex says black, Landon says white - often just to push the other one's buttons.

I will post a picture update post soon.

If this blog is ever going to become a story for my boys to look back on when their grown then I have got to get serious about posting more - so my goal - at least a once a week post. Starting NOW.

QOTW - Favorite Holiday Cookie

2010-12-14T15:27:00.001-05:00

The multiples and more question of the week:

What is your favorite holiday cookie?

My favorite holiday cookie is the thumbprint cookie. For a few reasons. The jelly - you can make a huge variety of these simply by changing the flavor of jelly in them. The memory of baking these with family members - my Mom, my aunt, and my Grandma. Being able to smoosh your thumb into the cookie dough felt great when you may have been having a bad day and a little bit naughty since you're always told not to play with your food.

Here's the recipe. Try them and start a holiday baking tradition of your own.

1c butter, 2 eggs, 1/2c brown sugar, 1tsp vanilla, 1/4tsp salt, 2c flour ground nuts (for rolling).

Mix together butter, egg yolks, and remaining ingredients. refrigerate. Roll into 1 inch balls. Dip in egg whites and nuts. Bake350 for 5 minutes. Remove from oven and press thumb into center. Bake 8 minutes longer. Fill center with jelly.

QOTW: Holiday Tradtiions

2010-12-06T11:46:00.000-05:00

The Multiples and More Question of the Week:

What are your family holiday traditions?

Tradition - def.: an inherited pattern of thought or action

So, although we seem to think that traditions mean always doing exactly the same thing it doesn't, by definition, necessarily mean that. Traditions can be altered yet still keep a similar pattern.

It's strange because the bugs are nearly two and a half years old and we haven't really begun any immediate family holiday traditions yet. Difficult to do so when your family status is up in the air. So we still practice our extended family traditions. Those traditions include traveling to our hometown and gathering together on Christmas Eve for dinner and opening gifts. Dinner always include fish and pasta - no meat. We exchange gifts with our extended family - aunts, uncles, and cousins. Christmas day is gifts from Santa in the morning and dinner mid-day - again with our extended family.

Update: J is back in our family. He took some time to get some help for his problem and seems committed to being a real part of our family. I don't know whether it will work or not. I don't know what the future holds. Not tomorrow and not ten years from now. But he is trying, and he loves the bugs, so one last chance he gets. I pray every day that he doesn't screw up again. I know that there is a big chance for failure in his situation however I've learned enough to know that we can only live one day at a time. Will we be able to piece the puzzle of our marriage back together? I don't know. I hope so. I never asked for any of this and having grown up in a divorced family I really want to try with whatever I have in me to make it work. But if it doesn't work at least I know that I did what I could.

So, beginning this year, since the bugs are at an age where they are beginning to realize what Christmas, and Santa, are we are going to try to begin to build our own family traditions. And, it won't matter in the future whether it's me, J, and the bugs or just me and the bugs...

My plan for our "new traditions" is: having Christmas Eve dinner in our home - and keeping the tradition of a dinner of seafood, attending a Christmas Eve church service, hot chocolate and reading "Twas the night before Christmas" before bed. Playing Santa when the bugs go to bed - I am sooo excited to do this! Opening gifts from Santa on Christmas morning and then traveling to Christmas dinner and gifts with our extended family.

A little bit of old and new.

Happy Birthday!

2010-08-25T11:59:00.000-04:00

Two

2010-08-25T11:44:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday Alex and Landon!
I can not believe that you are two years old today. Two years ago I woke up not feeling so great. Two years ago I was sitting in a hospital bed for 6 hours waiting for them to wheel me into the OR for the surgery. Two years ago you both came into the world healthy.
Best, best, best day of my life.
With each day that passes my love for you grows too. I am amazed by you each and every day - what you are learning, the funny things you say and do, and how during the long battle with infertility I never thought I would be where I am today.
Enjoy your cupcakes with blue frosting (that we put three eggs into) and have fun opening your presents. I know you're going to love the cake we have for the party on Saturday. We'll find those party hats and make everyone wear them - Cooper too.
I wish for all of your birthdays to be happy and filled with wonderful memories.

Love, Mommy

Happy Blogoversary to me!

2010-08-24T12:21:00.000-04:00

3 years writing. A lot has happened - battle infertility, get pregnant, actually have two healthy children, struggles with marriage, struggles with job, life...

I may not write as often as I'd like - it's tough with two young kids pulling at your pant legs and trying to type on the keyboard at the same time you are. But I love having this place to vent and share.

and the weird thing I just realized is that I started blogging almost one year to the day before the bugs were born...

Road Trip

2010-07-28T11:54:00.000-04:00

The bugs and I are getting ready to take a road trip tomorrow. Going to NH to visit my sister and brother-in-law. It's almost a 7 hour drive and because I'm brave, but not that brave, I decided that we will drive half-way, stop at my Dad's for the night, and drive the other half the next day. I'm just not sure how they'd do in the car for 7 hours. They will still usually sleep for a few hours, but then what? Then I'm stuck fighting with them over why Mommy can't pick up their dropped juice cup and risk getting sideswiped by that big truck next to us and the crying that ensues from that conversation. Or listening to Alex screaming because Landon and I are singing. That child just does not like anyone to sing unless He is in the mood for singing.
I'm a little worried about the trip as my sister has a rather large dog and an in ground pool. My kids have some unusual toddler fears - the air conditioner, motorcycles driving by, and car horns beeping - I just don't want to get home from our weekend with the added fears of water and dogs. Am I too much of a worrier?
I'm also hoping that I can fit everything into the car - I still need to bring the stroller because I can't figure out how to get two toddlers into a reststop on the highway by myself without one. And I still need to bring two pack n plays because we haven't transitioned into beds yet.
I just keep telling myself that this is going to be fun. And my kids will grow up with fond memories of our family trips. Will they wonder though why every picture shows Mommy with frazzled hair (or a glass of wine in her hand)??

In other news...we've mastered the Happy Birthday song and are ready for the big 2 next month. We absolutely love the playground now that we can go up and down the slide ourselves, and we can name every truck in our truck book, even the excavator (which is pretty funny to hear us try to say)

Up all night

2010-06-23T14:13:00.000-04:00

Well not literally. Actually only about 3 hours of the night - but that always makes me feel like I've been up all night. Used to be when I was younger I could stay up all night without one ounce of effect on my mind or body the next day. Time takes it's toll on a person. Now, when one of the bugs is up at night, I feel like I can't function the next day. Kind of like I have a hangover, but without having had the fun of the drinking part.
Alex decided last night between 1:30am-4am was play and talk time. Even going so far as to try to pry my eyelids open while I pretended to sleep. Alas, my little boy is no longer fooled by my fake snoring. No matter how I begged or what I threatened (no Mickey Mouse tomorrow, no swings, etc) he would not go back to sleep - just continued to jump, bounce, talk, want to read stories....darn molars coming in do it every time!

Is it awful to say that I was slightly smiling when I woke him up in the morning as he tried to hide under the blanket from me? Although he's no worse for the wear - he at least can take a nap today.

Me on the other hand - I need to go make another pot of coffee.

New Looks

2010-06-11T11:22:00.000-04:00

So, I've changed the layout and design of the blog. I guess I just needed something different. It's kind of like my life right now too. Clouds are passing, the blue sky is ahead, it's just still a little bit fuzzy right now. But I'm heading toward it. It's definately there.

Anxiety

2010-06-08T14:15:00.000-04:00

Since June 1st the bugs daycare provider has slightly changed. The woman who was watching them needs to have some surgery so her daughter took over the business. No new children, no new place, just a new face answering the door in the morning. T is even still there for most of the day - although she's trying to take more of a backseat so the kids can get more used to C.
My boys have had terrible separation anxiety every morning since. It is breaking my heart! Every morning the crying, the real tears streaming down their faces, and now Alex is on to the fact that that's where he's going so he refuses to get out of his crib. I thought we were passed the Separation issues. Now it seems we've been thrust right back to the start.
They are fine - by the time I get back to the car I know they've stopped crying because the windows are open and I can hear that they've settled down. When I pick them up in the afternoon they are happily playing. It's just the morning. But it's awful. and it really does a number on my level of Mommy guilt.

How can a single working mother of twins give them both enough love and attention so they feel confident when I leave that I'll return; So they don't cry every single morning? I just want to see them happy.

Rain, rain go away

2010-04-25T13:47:00.000-04:00

It's raining outside
Mommy's going insane
The bugs have their noses
pressed on the window pane

We play cars, and trucks, and then with our train
We color, watch Barney,
then make paper airplanes

We're teething, we're fighting
tantrums, screaming on the floor
One just shut his brother between the two doors

It's raining outside
Mom thinks how much more can I take
before I lose my mind and I fall down or break

Afternoon comes
we fight - we don't want to nap
We'd rather push each other
and fight for Mom's lap

Finally quiet
asleep in our bed
Mommy may even be able to rest her own head

The peace and the quiet
Mom can hear the clock ticking on the wall
Even with all of the chaos
She wouldn't trade one moment at all

Project IF

2010-04-21T12:58:00.000-04:00

What if my spouse and I don't make it? What if we can't survive the crushing mountain of stress that infertility, pregnancy loss, and all things associated with them, places on us?

I've been haunted by this thought for so many years.

My husband and I have been friends since 1983, together as a couple since 1998, been married since 2001, and began trying to conceive in January 2002. In the beginning of our infertility journey we were happy, mostly worry free people. We were confident that we'd one day be parents. We set off on the journey together; a team; hand in hand.

Then somehow we got lost along the way. Not hard to do when you are in a constant sea of medical appointments, tests, injections, hormones, being poked and prodded, asked embarrassing questions, having humiliating and sometimes painful procedures, figuring out where money for all this is going to come from, loans, borrowing from retirement funds, trying to resolve yourself to the fact that this is going to take way longer than you anticipated. While month after month passed, and turned into year after year, it began to take its toll on our emotional health. Then the tidal wave came - success from IVF #3, only to experience no heartbeat at our 12 week appointment. Crushed, devastated, no other words to explain it. And, we were out of money. Yet the responses you get from people in real life are that you can just try again. No one really has any idea about the experience. Infertility is isolating, humiliating, embarrassing, stressful, chaotic.

This is where the changes in personality come in - enter hateful, jealous, resentful me. Enter the me that doesn't give a crap about anyone or anything, except herself. Not.even.her.husband.

And this is where we must not have been hanging on to each other's hands tight enough. Hell, I wasn't really hanging on at all. Honestly I don't know how it all affected J because looking back I wasn't really paying attention to him . I had become so focused, so obsessed with the outcome of having children, that he nearly ceased to exist, except for the times when we needed to have sex on demand. J could have walked out, a different person replacing him, and I probably would not have noticed a thing. I just wanted to resolve this all - where the hell were my babies?!

I wanted resolve so I could get on with my life but while I was searching for resolve my life with my spouse was slipping away.

Once I "recovered" from the miscarriage I threw myself into the world of infertility again. Finding more money, researching every procedure out there, find whatever way possible to have children.
Somewhere between the time of our miscarriage (2006) and the time our twins were born (2008) J developed a drug problem. A serious drug problem. You may think I'm crazy here but I didn't ever see it. I was blind to the fact -blind to everything he did. If it didn't have to do with me getting pregnant, staying pregnant, having babies -I didn't see it at all. Now he's so deep into it I'm not sure he'll ever get out. And, our marriage, well, that doesn't even exist anymore. On paper sure, but not really, it's gone, and I'm not sure we can find a way to get it back. Sad, we've lost a near 30 year relationship.

I consider myself a fairly strong person - I can handle a lot. When the stress of infertility hit me, I went to counseling, joined online support groups, read books on the subject to gain knowledge of how to deal with it all, started blogging. These were my outlets, ways to keep my sanity. J didn't do any of things things.

Now here's my theory: I believe that he internalized it - and now I think there's a possibility that his drug problem may stem partly from his inability to handle the stress from our journey. His hurt over all of it, of not being able to have children the normal way, of what it all did to our relationship, is made better by the numbing effects of drug use. Are there other factors involved? Sure - a predisposition to addictive personality, prior experimentation with drugs, whatever. But the thought remains - if we didn't go through infertility, if we didn't lose our first baby, if we had had our children the "normal" way, if it hadn't taken so long, if I hadn't gotten lost along the way, would J be in the position he's in today? Would our marriage be in the position its in today?

I'll never really know that answers to these questions. Time does not go backwards, infertility was and will always be our reality, and we will never know if things had been different if things would be different today.

I also have to wonder through all of this, what if it wouldn't be different? What if no matter what was different in the past J still ended up where he is today; and our marriage ended up shattered? What if in order to have my two beautiful children I had to walk this road?

What if, because of all that I've been through which has changed me and made me grow as a person, my children can grow up to be happy, confident, successful, loved men?

For information on helping to understand infertility check out www.resolve.org/infertility101

For information on National Infertility Awareness Week, April 25-May 1, 2010, visit www.resolve.org/takecharge

This is how big we've gotten

2010-04-20T12:34:00.000-04:00

Is the circus in town?

2010-04-20T10:43:00.000-04:00

Wow. That's all I can say when I look at how long it has been since I last posted.
There's probably not anyone even still out there paying attention.

I can tell you that since the last post the bugs have celebrated their 1st birthday, learned to walk and run, learned to talk (a lot), had a second Halloween where Mommy just couldn't get it together enough to dress them up, celebrated Thanksgiving where they could actually eat Turkey and mashed potatoes (and loved it), marveled at a Christmas tree with lots of lights and balls on it often too tempting not to touch, figured out how to plot against Mommy, celebrated another Easter where Mommy just couldn't get it together enough to take them to visit the Easter Bunny (have I mentioned that having twins is HARD) and learned to not be afraid to walk on grass. They've done much more that that - those are my highlights. Alex is up to 27 pounds and Landon is 23 1/2 pounds. I thought it was tough when they were first born but pushing the stroller is really a workout now.
Since the last post J has come and gone, and come and gone, and is gone again. This time most likely for the long term. It's too hard for the bugs and I to have to deal with his issues. Life is much more peaceful with him not living in our house. However, where he's at now, he can't even see the boys, and won't be able to for some time. I've told them that Daddy has a boo boo that need to get better before he can come home. So, they think he's off at some doctor somewhere and he'll be back when the boo boo is better. Sad thing is Mommy's not sure if Daddy's boo boo will ever be better.

My life has been like a three ring circus this past year. I juggle single motherhood, a crazy job where I often feel like I am drowning, and dealing with a marriage that is falling apart - one that I didn't want to fall apart and I've tried holding on but am losing my grip. The balls are all up in the air - red, blue, green, yellow. And, to top it off I'm walking on the tight rope while doing the juggling. I do my best not to drop any of the balls and keep my balance. But every day I fear that I won't be able to do it. And, I'm afraid of what will happen then.

Summer Fun

2009-08-04T10:11:00.000-04:00

Here are some pics from our recent trips to visit family. And here are some more.

Where does the time go?

2009-08-04T09:50:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure - but it apparently flies by whether you are having fun or not.
Updates since my last post -
* J is not living with the bugs and I right now and I'm not sure when or if he will again.
* J is working on addressing his issues
* Once J addresses his issues we can figure out if we can work on/fix OUR issues (This is a whole separate post - maybe even separate blog)
* Life as a single parent with twin 1 year olds is HARD!!

* Landon can stand,pull to standing, bend down and pick up dropped toys, food, cups, etc., even cruise when he wants to.
* Landon does not want to go to sleep anymore because of all of the new fun things he can do. Who wants to sleep when you can stand up? This makes Mommy very tired.
* Alex can push himself into sitting and can pull up to kneel but is not pulling up to stand yet. Mommy worries about this sometimes but then figures it will come with time and each baby is different, right?
* Alex has become a picky eater and usually doesn't touch anything except cheese, bread, or potatoes
* We are both getting some new teeth in and right now each have four teeth on top and four on the bottom.
* We went swimming in the lake for the first time ever a few weeks ago at Grandpa and Grandma's and both seemed to like it.
* We finally like to eat pasta. Mommy now has something easy to make for dinner after work.
* We are practicing the birthday song so we're ready in a few weeks.
* We have also been practicing opening presents using Mommy's magazines as makeshift wrapping paper.

Just a few short weeks and 1 year old here we come....

What we're up to

2009-06-09T15:28:00.000-04:00

These make me happy.

Long time, no post

2009-06-08T14:17:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it's been over a month since my last post. Well, yes, I can, I guess. The month of May in our house was not pleasant - the boys are fine -- happy, healthy, safe, and loved. But J and I are on the verge of divorce. Seriously.
I once posted about a problem he was having, then deleted it after a few days, because I don't want my children to someday read about it here. I won't get into details for that reason. Let's just say, said problem is not getting any better. I have tried to help him work through the problem. I missed two weeks of work in May because of said problem (and I'm supposed to be starting a new job- promotion - this month). I had to find day care for the boys again because of said problem. I have lost weight, don't eat right, don't sleep much, and am a nervous wreck because of said problem. Worst of all is that I feel like my entire life is so consumed by this problem that I am missing out on really focusing my attention each day on the bugs. And I don't want to do that - I don't want to look back someday and feel like I spent so much time worrying about J and his problem that I missed out on the bugs growing up.
J left for about two weeks. It was hard, really, really, hard to be alone with the bugs. No family around, trying to raise two 9 month old boys alone. But it was peaceful and stress free and the three of us were happy.
I found out a lot about J while he was gone - family and friends have a way of coming forth with information when they find out that you are apart - information about the problem and how long he's actually had it, things he had done behind my back, and deceptiveness that apparently has been going on for quite some time.
Then he came back - said he had a handle on the problem. He's been back for a week and the problem is still consuming my life.

I don't want to deal with his problems anymore. Maybe that sounds harsh and uncaring but I am tired of it all. I just want the bugs and I to have some normalcy to our lives. Ya know, get up, go to work, come home, play together as a family, be happy...It is just so chaotic right now and has been for a few months now. All because of J and his problem. I have tried to be supportive, tried to help him, but now there is a big piece of trust in him that is gone. How do you get that back?

This problem of his has literally changed him as a person. When the bugs were first born he was such a big help. Now he does nothing to help. Here's how our day goes: I get up at 6am when the boys wake up. Feed them a bottle, get them dressed, changed, etc and give them breakfast. Get them ready for daycare, drive to daycare, drop them off. Go to work. Pick boys up after work, feed them dinner, play with them for a few hours, get them changed, dressed, ready for bed, give them a bottle, and put them to bed. If they have a hard time going to sleep, I rock them, hold, them, etc. Maybe I have an hour or two to eat dinner myself, fold laundry, pay bills, etc. Then I go to sleep around 11pm.If they wake in the night, I feed them, rock them, etc. J does NOTHING. He is gone a lot (out of the house) and when he is home we argue about the problem.

What do I do? How much time do you give someone to make changes in their life before you cut your losses? Do you try counseling together even before one person has completely taken care of their own problem?
J and I have been married for 8 years, and been friends for 25. We have two small children who I had hoped would grow up with both their Mom and their Dad. But when do you say enough is enough?

Sshhh...I've got a Secret

2009-05-01T22:59:00.000-04:00

Twin Facts

2009-04-27T11:00:00.000-04:00

From an unknown source:
"I can tell you that being parents of multiples is about the hardest thing on a marriage that I know of."
Statistics have shown higher levels of stress and arguing among parents of multiples as well as a higher divorce rate.

Really? Ya don't say...

Twin Facts

2009-04-26T11:00:00.000-04:00

The average birthweight for a singleton is 7 lbs. 7 oz; Average weight for a twin is 5 lbs. 5 oz.

8 Months

2009-04-25T21:02:00.000-04:00

I can not believe that you are eight months old already. I know that I say that every month but really, how is this happening? You both grow so quickly. Every day it seems you are doing something new.

This month so many things happened.

You both started getting your top teeth in which has caused sleeping issues, like Landon not wanting to sleep, and eating problems. While you normally like your bottles and every kind of food imaginable you both decided because of the teething that you'd rather push the bottle away and maybe not eat so much. Plus you now prefer the food colder rather than warmer.
You both can sit up on your own now too. Landon can sit for a very long time which has provided the opportunity to play with your toys in a whole new way. You've finally figured out how to work the ball popper on your own. It made your Dad and I a little sad though as we thought this is one tiny step closer to you not needing us as much. Alex, you can sit too, however, most of the time you choose not to since then you can't play with your toys with your feet. We're beginning to wonder if you have a future in a circus as someone who juggles with their feet or something.
You are both rocking back and forth and are ready to take off with the crawling soon. Slow down! Daddy and I need more time for baby proofing.
You can feed yourself a cracker and LOVE teething biscuits. Although Mommy thinks they taste and look like dog food. Maybe that is way so many children develop a love of eating out of the pet dish?
You are starting to outgrow your 6-9 month clothes and you're now into size 4 diapers. We don;t go to the doctor for another month but I'm guessing you guys are both at 20lbs now.
Alex - you've figured out how to pick up your banana puffs and put them in your mouth. Self-feeding, another big step! Once Mommy can get past worrying about how big or small to cut food up we can start trying some different finger foods.
As for talking - your favorites sounds are ah-ba and ah-ra and try as I might neither one of you will even attempt the M or D sounds so Daddy and I will have to wait a little longer for that.

Twin Facts

2009-04-24T11:00:00.000-04:00

Studies have shown that mothers who gain about 24 pounds by week 24 have reduced their chances of giving birth either prematurely or to low birth-weight babies.

Twin Facts

2009-04-23T11:00:00.000-04:00

The average or recommended weight gain for average sized mothers of twins is between 35-45 lbs.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-22T09:00:00.000-04:00

Top 10 Things To Love About Having Twins

2009-04-21T11:00:00.000-04:00

A Great summing up of some of the wonderful things about having twins.

Top 10 Things I Love About Having Twins
By Pamela Prindle Fierro, About.com
Being a parent twins or multiples is an experience full of ups and downs. There are many challenging times, for sure, but also plenty of moments where you feel so lucky and blessed to have them. These are some of the things that I love most about being a mom of twins.
1. Armfuls and Handfuls
Every child fills their parents' hearts and home with joy. That's what I really love about having twins or more. The love and joy are compounded. Cradling two twinfants in my arms was so incredibly, almost unbearably, sweet. Holding hands with two toddlers -- one on the right, and one on the left -- while crossing the street made me feel complete. Double hugs, double kisses, mommy-in-the-middle "sandwich" cuddles on the couch... life just doesn't get any better than that.
2. Single-Mindedness
Parenting happens in stages. For people with a one-track mind, like me, it's much easier to manage two infants, two toddlers or two 'tweens, than to juggle the needs of a baby and a preschooler. The phases of parenthood are experienced more intensely, sometimes, because they are simultaneous, but I love it that way.
3. Shared Accomplishments
It's always exciting to see your child meet a milestone. But when two or more multiples accomplish their goals simultaneously, it's a wonderful experience for a family. For example, I was bursting with pride when both of my twins made honor roll on their last report cards, but the achievement was even sweeter because they were happy for each other.
4. Private Jokes
It's such fun to hear them share jokes, call each other by nicknames and role play their special scenarios. Once when they were babies, 10 months old, we were driving down the road, when giggles erupted from the car seats in the back seat. As one laughed, the other broke out in giggles; they spurred each other on the entire ride home. What a sweet sound those baby giggles were; it is still sweet to hear them laugh together, not at each other, but with each other.
5. Alike, But Different
It's fascinating to be an observer of twins. With so many similarities, but such stark differences, it's always interesting to see how they develop as individuals. Where parents of singletons may say, "Oh, you are just like your sister was at that age," parents of multiples have an instant basis of comparison and contrast among their children.
6. 2-For-1 Bonus
Short and sweet .... one pregnancy = two babies! Such a deal! Although a pregnancy with multiples may have more risks, and sometimes more complications, it truly is a two-for-one deal.
7. A Sense of Status
Okay, I admit it. I get a little thrill of pride in being a mom of twins. It's like being a part of an elite club. You feel an instant bond with other parents of multiples. I love the reaction I get when I tell people I have twins. "Wow!" "I always wanted twins..." "I don't know how you do it..." It's almost like we enjoy an exclusive status in the parenting world, earning a slight nod of respect for pulling double duty.
8. Sharing
Twins share everything -- their birthday, their parents' attention, and many of their belongings. Although they may get frustrated with their situation, as a parent, it's very gratifying to witness their "what's mine is yours" attitude in a moment of unselfish benevolence.
9. A Beautiful Bond
The twin bond is more enduring than any other relationship on earth, starting even before birth, and often outlasting many friendships and even marriages. Despite their squabbles, it's comforting to know that they will (hopefully) enjoy their unique relationship for all of their lives. As their mother, I feel really privileged to be a party to their special bond, and to have the opportunity to nurture it.
10. Confidence in Companionship
I love the confidence that my twins exhibit simply because they have always had each other to rely on. I love to watch them enter new, unfamiliar situations with total surety because they are together. I love seeing all the ways that being a twin shapes their personalities, both as an advantage and a disadvantage. They have never known loneliness because they've always had each other as a companion.

Twin Facts

2009-04-20T11:00:00.000-04:00

Once you've had fraternal twins, you are 3 to 4 times more likely to have another set!

Thank Heaven

2009-04-19T16:44:00.000-04:00

Today we Christened the boys. It was a beautiful day complete with sunshine, a warm breeze, and birds singing, although the forecast had called for rain. I thank my Mom, who's not here anymore, for this. I know that she was watching from above and did what she could to help out on the weather front so the boys would have a nice day.

We had about 35 people attend, and enough food to feed twice that many. For some reason when we plan a party in our family we always seem to go overboard on the food. So J and I have leftovers for the entire week, plus I'll be sharing the surplus with the co-workers this week too.

Everyone who loves these babies was there - Grandpa, Grandpa and Grandma, Gram-Gram, and lots of Aunts and Uncles. We chose my sisters for their Godmothers and chose not to have any Godfathers.

The ceremony was nice and neither Alex nor Landon cried when they put the water on them. Plus the oil they use made them smell so sweet.

I've had my concerns about the Cathloic religion in the past - having known their stand on fertility treatments and such. But I still did find that growing up with religion a part of my life helped me with life skills like decision making, learning right from wrong, and building values and morals. I hope to provide that to my children by taking them to church, when they are a bit older, and having them attend Sunday School. My hope is that religion will just be one more piece in the puzzle of helping them to grow up.

and now some pictures....

Twin Facts

2009-04-18T11:00:00.000-04:00

82% of multiples are delivered via c-section, while 5% are delivered vaginally. The rest are delivered both by c-section and vaginally.

Twin Facts

2009-04-17T11:00:00.000-04:00

Only 14% of women carry multiples past 37 weeks. Most women give birth prematurely.

Twin Facts

2009-04-16T11:00:00.000-04:00

Up to 22% of twins are left-handed. In the general populace, only 10% are left-handed.

Raising Twins Tip

2009-04-14T11:00:00.000-04:00

Trying to manage two babies in a tub when you only have two hands is tricky. They're as slippery as little fish in that watery environment. To help keep them secure, plastic laundry baskets make a great bath seats for older babies and young toddlers. They are the right size to contain their little bodies and keep them upright so they don't slide around in the tub. Use them with only a small amount of water in the tub. Use them only with babies who are old enough to sit up.

I haven;t tried this yet but am going to soon. It would be so much easier to bathe them both at the same time. I'll let you know how it goes. I just want to wait a few more weeks so they are both really stable sitting up in the tub.

The Differences in Raising Twins

2009-04-13T11:00:00.000-04:00

I thought this article was a great way to educate people about how it is different to have twins or multiples as compared to having a singleton. Already my family has made comments about how having twins is the same as having two children under two and it drives me crazy every time they say it. How would they know??
(Taken from About.com)
"Mine were born 19 months apart, and its just like having twins." How many times have you heard parents of singletons make remarks like this? I've realized that it's pointless to argue this issue. It's my opinion that having two singletons is nothing like having twins. If we're chasing sympathy, I'd offer that having two of different ages is actually even more difficult in some ways. But it's not the same as having twins or multiples.
So, what are some differences?...

The Absence of Birth Order Dynamics
Singleton siblings spread out over several years develop a natural order. Aside from influencing personality development, birth order often sets the standard for how children are treated in families. Older siblings lead, younger siblings follow. Older children have more freedom, but also more responsibility, as they mature. Younger children watch and learn from their older siblings. There is a natural disparity of ability due to age.But multiples are the same age, and -- usually -- at the same stage. They face milestones simultaneously. They become mobile at about the same time, potty train simultaneously (generally), and start school together. Although some parents impose birth order personality characteristics on their multiples based on who was born first, it's a false designation. Without the defined roles established by birth order, multiples invent their own version of a pecking order, and often their parents have to deal with the fall-out.

Parenting Mulitples as Individuals
Every parent is tasked with guiding their children as they grown into individuals. Where parents of multiples face an extra challenge is in helping their children become individuals in spite of -- and in support of -- their status as a multiple. Despite parents' best efforts to treat their multiples as individual, to avoid comparisons and labeling, it's a constant fight to fend off society's views. Multiples face a barrage of stereotypes and are constantly confronted with comparisons because of their twinship. Their friends, neighbors, teachers and even well-meaning family members will attempt to label and categorize them. (She's the good twin, the smart twin, the pretty twin... If one likes baseball, the other one must also... He's outgoing, so his twin must be shy.)J and I have already noticed people doing this to the boys.
Where singleton siblings often feel the sting of sibling rivalry, the effects are offset by birth order and by the passing of time. They have years (or in some cases many months) to achieve the milestones set by older siblings. For multiples, the milestones are expected to be simultaneous. Therefore, it's very important for parents of multiples to overcome the stereotypes, labeling and comparisons by offering continual guidance and encouragement to their children, supporting them as they develop as individuals within the context of their relationship as multiples.

Division of Parental Assets
Many parents of multiples feel challenged to divide their time, attention and love between their children, moreso than with singleton siblings spread out over several years. Despite their claims that "it's just like having twins," parents of singletons have at least nine months of one-on-one time between children. Having children of different ages creates more opportunities for individualized time: babies nap while older children are awake. Older children stay up later at night. Older children start school while younger ones are still at home. Multiples generally do everything at the same time. They're asleep at the same time, and awake all together, making it more difficult for parents to find time for individual attention. Parents of multiples have to make a more concerted effort to bond with each child. Don't I know it. I always feel guilty when I'm holding one and the other is just sitting there looking at me. It's tough to remember I only have one set of arms.

Maintaining equality
Another big challenge for parents of multiples. Where a staggered birth order often evens things out for singletons, it's often a struggle for parents of twins or more to ensure that each child gets their fair share. Whether it is time, attention or material goods, it's simply not possible to always maintain equality among multiples, setting up parents for frustration and guilt.

Nurturing the Bond
The bond between multiples is complex and intense. Twins can be best friends one moment, and bitter enemies the next. Where parents of singletons also contend with sibling rivalry, the relationship between multiples is simply more complicated, in my opinion. Teaching their multiples to resolve conflict in a healthy way and nurturing the bond between them is a big challenge for parents. Already my children fight over toys and pull each other's hair. We are constantly separating them form each other. If we put them down on the floor they immediately roll themselves together and are almost always on top of one another.

No Do-Overs
Everyone learns from their mistakes, right? With multiples, there are no "do-overs." With each child going through the same stage and phase simultaneously, there's no opportunity to learn from past experience. Parents of multiples don't have the advantage of hindsight.

Tag Team
Isn't there a saying that claims there is "safety" in numbers? I'd venture that there is actually more danger when it comes to multiples. As a group, a set of twins, triplets or more can generate a lot more chaos than singleton siblings. Working as a team, they're likely to be more daring, take more risks, and push the limits further. Whether they are climbing on each other to reach the highest cabinet, or cooperatively unraveling the living room carpet, multiples really keep parents on their toes.

The Good Stuff
Despite some challenges and drawbacks, having twins or multiples is a great joy. It's a privilege to be an observer of and participant in their unique and special relationship. There is a level of convenience and efficiency in parenting children simultaneously; some of the more unpleasant aspects (sleepless nights, teething, potty training, teenage troubles) only have to be endured once. There's a level of "celebrity" attached to having twins or multiples; some parents relish the attention while others shy away. But mostly, there is great pleasure and enjoyment in parenting multiples, every proud moment is multiplied and every simple joy is magnified. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T11:05:00.000-04:00

Happy Easter Boys!

Usually on Easter we have our family come and visit - Grandpa, Gram Gram, Aunt Patty, Jeannie and Scott... but this year since we're having your Christening in just a week we decided it was silly for everyone to make the trip twice in two weeks.

So this year we'll just have our dinner as a small family; Daddy, Mommy, and you boys. We always have the same dinner on Easter - Ham, potatos, vegetable, babka bread, deviled eggs, and kielbasa. Yum! I found pineapple glazed ham stage two baby food that you boys can have today. We'll see how that goes since lately anything that is not pasta you gag on.

You also won a HUGE Easter Basket drawing that Daddy entered your name in. Lucky!

Happy 1st Easter babies. Mommy and Daddy love you very much!

Top 10 Mistakes

2009-04-11T11:24:00.000-04:00

I just found out that April is National Multiple Birth Awareness Month. So, in order to celebrate this and increase awareness of the joys and challenges that families with multiples face, I've decided to post some fun facts and tips on pregnancy and parenting twins (from information I've found in my searches and also my own handy-dandy tips as I learn them with each new day, trial, problem, etc) I'll try to post daily - or at least weekly.
So here goes:

Top 10 Mistakes Made by New Parents of Twins/Multiples (taken from About.com)

1. Running Out of Supplies
With double the demand, baby supplies are consumed at a rapid rate. Stock up on the things you’ll use most: diapers, wipes, bottles and formula. An ample supply of onsies and light sleepers is invaluable. Keep items in their original packaging and hold onto receipts so that you can easily return the things that aren’t used. The clubs mentioned above hold annual sales; they are a fantastic opportunity to stock up on gently used clothes and equipment.
I had a boatload of clothes, enough to cloth them both for the first two years. I can not tell you how many I returned. Leaving some in the packages is a great idea. Most times we were too tired to dress up - the boys wore simple, comfortable sleepers or onesies for the first few months. Returned a lot and was able to get clothes in the now much needed 3-6 or 6-9 month sizes. You may think they will never be that big, but it comes quickly.

2. Not Napping

It may sound silly, but this advice is echoed repeatedly by nearly all parents of twins or more. It’s tempting to use the precious quiet time to get other things accomplished, but you have to remember your own rest requirements. It’s easy to become overwhelmed when you’re exhausted. Sleep is a precious commodity, so take advantage of every opportunity.
Sounds good but don't be surprised if you don;t get to nap. The old "sleep when your baby sleeps" gets thrown out the window with multiples who are not always on the same schedule. For a while we had one sleeping and one awake, and vice versa. That leaves no time for Mom and Dad to sleep.

3. No stroller or the wrong one

My suggestion - if you can afford it have one tandam and one side by side.

4. Confusing the Babies

How much did she eat? When’s the last time he had a wet diaper? Which baby are you anyway? Setting up an organized system for keeping things straight will ensure that everyone’s needs are met. Make a chart to track feeding times and amounts, diaper changes, medications and other important information. (Hint: if you’re having trouble telling your multiples apart – even if they’re not identical! – a small dab of nail polish on one toe will help distinguish them.)
People may think you've lost your mind because you are writing all of this information down only to throw it out at the end of the day but honestly it helped J and I immensely. Just being able to remember when they ate, who ate, how much, when diapers were changed, etc. helped a LOT. Things get confusing when you have more than one baby and you are sleep deprived.

5. Mixing Up Priorities

Keep it simple. Let things go. Your focus during the first few months with multiple should be on your newly expanded family. It’s not the time to cook gourmet meals, do spring cleaning or learn a new hobby. Focus on caring for your new bundles of joy, and let the little things slide. You’ll have time to catch up on those other things a few months down the road, when your multiples have established a schedule.
Take this tip from me: Throw out your Type-A personality and adopt a more "who cares" attitude. If your babies are healthy and you are together as a family, then it doesn't matter whether your house is spotless, what you eat for dinner, or whether the outfits they are wearing even match. Most times you will have pajamas with spit-up on them on and unwashed and uncombed hair anyway. When you do finally get it together enough to shower and leave the house with your twins the constant "how do you do it?" from others will be a huge boost to your ego! You can now do pretty much nothing and look like a superwoman to others.

6. Hindering the Help

People love multiples, and they genuinely want to help. Take advantage of every offer. Delegate. Be specific. Let your eager helpers take care of meals, errands, care of other siblings, housework, yard work, laundry, shopping and all the details of life so that you can focus on priorities. (See Tip #6!)

Wish, wish, wish I had done this more. People offered. I didn't take them up on it enough.

7. Not Taking Time Out
Even though your identity has changed to encompass your new role as parent of multiples, you can’t afford to neglect your old self. It’s important to take time off every once in a while to focus on yourself and your spouse. Put a helpful relative, neighbor or even a teenage mother’s helper in charge of the babies for a few moments so that you can take a break. Soak in the tub, take a walk, or simply take a nap. You’ll be amazed at how refreshed you’ll feel after even a short break.
Again, wish I had done this more.

8. Becoming Isolated from Others

Meeting other parents of twins, triplets or more can be extremely reassuring and rewarding. Not only will they show you that life with multiples is do-able, they can give you solid advice on just how to do it. It’s crucial to establish a network of been-there, done-that veterans to call on in times of crisis. You can also meet fellow parents online; stop by our message forum to say hi.
Also, if you can't find a parents of twins group join a group of singleton Moms. They have extra hands to help you out (since they only have one child) and always make you feel like you are great because you are a Mom of multiples. Don't feel badly though if you can't get out of the house as much as you'd like. Leaving the house with twins is hard - I don't think we did it except for neighborhood walks and Dr. appointments for a few months at least. Cut yourself some slack and know that once they are a bit older you can manage to get out of the house with them. And trust me, even though my boys didn't see other people, aside from family, for the first few months, they have not been transformed into hermits.

9. Being Inflexible

A textbook approach doesn’t work with twins or multiples. Every family has different habits and needs and the “right” way is really whatever works best for you. As you establish a routine that includes your newest additions, be willing to try a variety of schedules, techniques and products. Remember that your multiples are individuals, and not a perfectly matched set. What works for one may not be appropriate for the other.
I'm still working on this. Read: Night Owl post

10. Losing Perspective

Keep things in perspective. No matter how bad things get, they are temporary. Babies grow up. They will start to sleep more and eat less often. It will become easier to take them out in public. With each passing day, you are one step closer to getting things under control. Savor the special moments of infancy: the sleepy snuggles, shy smiles and sweet smells of your babies. They will soon be only a treasured memory.
When you are in the throes of night wakings and lots of feedings and sleep deprivation it seems it will never end. but it does. At almost eight months my boys don't get up for night feedings on a regular basis anymore. They grow up so fast - try not to let it happen too fast - or to wish it away. You will sleep again soon.

Night Owl

2009-04-10T13:05:00.000-04:00

I know that I should not be complaining at all. There are people who may read this post and probably want to kill me. I know there are far worse sleeping issues with babies. My boys are good sleepers, in comparison to other stories I’ve read. But lately we’ve been having an issue with Landon and I’m not sure what to do.
It seems that the child does not want to go to sleep. The instant I lay him in the crib he starts screaming. Not crying – there are no tears really, just screaming. And this boy is persistent! He will NOT stop unless you pick him up. Then he lets out a huge sigh and is instantly quiet, or decides that it is playtime. I’d say that 5 out of 7 nights a week he doesn’t want to go to sleep. So, here’s the scenario at our house. Bedtime begins at around 7:15pm when we go upstairs. We wash up, or have bath, put on our PJ's, read a story, have a bottle, and then to sleep. Most of the time we fall asleep or just near asleep while drinking the bottle. Then I carefully pick Alex up, and lay him down. This child, without fail, puts his thumb in his mouth, rolls over and goes to sleep. He knows when he is tired and will tell you in no uncertain terms when he is ready to go to sleep. I then pick Landon up and carefully try to put him down in his crib. As soon as my hands leave his little body, he flips over, head pops up, and the screaming begins. I pick him up, rock him, walk him, hold him, lay on my bed with him, but he is not having it. He is NOT going to sleep. The child is rubbing his eyes, has bags underneath them, but he is NOT going to go to sleep. This goes on until 10:30-11:00pm each night, until he is completely exhausted and just passes out. By which time J and I are also completely exhausted. We’ve just had a 4 hour bedtime ritual.
Now I’ve said that this occurs most nights. On the other nights, when he does go to sleep, I do nothing differently. Here’s my problem – I don’t want to do CIO. I have two infants sleeping in the same room. If one is crying for 10, 15, 20 minutes, the other wakes up. Then I have double the work with not one, but two, babies now not sleeping. I also just don’t feel like CIO is the right solution for me. So, I pick him up, and now he’s learned that that is my response to the screaming.
Do I just let it go and let him stay up until 11pm? Do I assume that maybe he’ll be the night owl of our family, watching the late show while everyone else has gone to bed? Do I assume that this is maybe related to teething, or trying to learn how to crawl, or the fact that he maybe wants to spend more time with me?
I know that this is a minor problem in comparison to some other sleep problems. And once he does get to sleep he stays asleep all.night.long. Until 7am. My strategy now is to make sure I’ve eaten dinner, put toys away, and straightened up the living room before going up to bed. So in the event he decides he’s staying up late we can just lay in bed and watch TV until he’s ready for sleep. At least that way I can relax a bit too. I don’t have any other ideas on what to do. And I don’t want every night to be a struggle between my child and me.
I will say this…this parenting twins thing is teaching me to go with the flow a little bit more. Not my personality at all. My own inner struggle.

More Decisions

2009-04-09T10:36:00.000-04:00

I deleted my last post about the decisions I've made recently. I wanted to share my thoughts but then thought I didn't really want them out there in the open like that - for my children to possibly read in the future. So if I can figure out how to make an individual post password protected, then I'll post an update on that situation.